You Don’t Need a Man: 30 Inspiring Self-Date Ideas.

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So many of us save the best restaurants and our prettiest dresses for when we have a date with our potential boyfriends or our spouses.

It’s as if we’re saying, “I’m not good enough for lovely things unless I am desired by another human being.”

When pondering why I was so quick to fill my time with others (guilt and fear of loneliness), it occurred to me that if we can’t stand to be alone with ourselves, how can we truly believe we are with another for all the right reasons?

If we spend some time alone discovering what fascinating creatures we are, our expectations of how others treat us might be higher. Perhaps, we just might fall in love with ourselves again.

I’ve recently committed myself to being unapologetically selfish about my alone time. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and treating myself the way I want to be treated by others. I’m learning to love being with my own company. I’m embracing my one-woman love affair and indulging in self-dates.

If you want to, too, here are some ways to wow your date:

Get out of those sweats and put on a pretty outfit. Treat yourself to take out and a glass of the good wine. (Yes, the bottle you’ve been saving for an important occasion. That one.)

Go for a walk or a hike. Unplug and enjoy the scenery. Let nature inspire your thoughts. Pay attention to what thoughts need your attention and nurture them. When I first hiked alone I found the silence uncomfortable, but it didn’t take long to turn into sanctity.

Take a bubble bath. Indulge in your favorite oils and salts. Light candles. Add rose petals to the water. Romance yourself.

Buy yourself a toy. Yes…one of those! Explore your body. Take your time. Be utterly selfish. It took me a long time to learn my body and feel comfortable receiving pleasure. I struggled not to judge my fleshy bits and sensations. Let your insecurities go and enjoy the “O!”

Make a yoga date. Take a private session or go to a class. Lay in Savasana out on your deck. Downward dog in your living room. This moment is yours.

Rent a convertible. Drive to an open field. Gaze at the stars and the moon. Send wishes out to the universe. Release what you need to. Humanity has a way of kicking the sh*t out of us sometimes. Laying in the dark, staring up at the sky has a way of cleansing my doubts and fears. I always feel rejuvenated after this excursion.

Have a dance party in your bedroom. Shake your booty, lip-sync to Madonna, jump on the bed. Be silly. This is me at my core. This is the type of person I want to date.

Sign up for an art class or studio time. Create, Paint. Sculpt. Try something you haven’t done before. Resist the urge to be perfect. I struggle with this one, but it’s an exercise in loss of control I need and I can’t think of much better ways to practice.

Make a date with the bookstore or your kindle. Don’t just fit it in. Carve out time and lose yourself in the story.

Take a vacation. Go to Paris for a week or a yurt in North Carolina or a fancy hotel in the city. It’s completely up to you. I used to save all my vacations for “when I have a man” or “when he has time off.” I never went anywhere! Carpe Diem!

Play in the ocean. Let the waves crash around you. Be a mermaid. Be whoever you want to be.

Attend a whiskey tasting. Learn to like the sting going down. There’s something sexy and masculine about drinking whiskey. It makes me feel tough and capable. This is a bold choice.

Go to the opera, a play or Broadway. The choice is 100% yours!

Take a belly dance class. Discover your sacred feminine. I struggle with finding mine sometimes. It’s easy to lose sight of our own radiance. I know I’m not the most graceful, but when I shimmy I feel every bit a Goddess!

Plant a garden or pot some herbs for your kitchen. Become one with Mother Earth.

Treat yourself to fancy dinner out. This was a tough one for me. I was certain everyone was wondering about the loser eating alone. I soon realized that they weren’t paying attention to me, they were appreciating the ambience and flavors just as I should be doing.

Book a pin-up or boudoir photo shoot. You are gorgeous. Shower yourself with compliments. It occurs to me that I too often rely on reassurance from a man to feel my sexy mojo. My pin-up shoot definitely helped embrace my sexy and gave me the opportunity to reassure myself instead of relying on someone else to do it for me.

Go to the orchard and collect apples. Use Grandma’s recipe and bake a pie with love. Eat it without judgment.

Participate in an improv class. Attending improv classes was one of the most liberating experiences I have had. I blushed when I went on stage, found myself tongue-tied often and laughed myself into belly-aches routinely.

Go to the Farmer’s Market. Buy yourself flowers. Do it every single week.

Go on a road trip. Drive 60 miles or 600. Stop when you want to. Don’t be afraid to get lost. You’ll find your way back. When I feel the need to process and escape for a while, a road trip is always my first choice.

See a psychic or fortune teller. Have your tarot cards read. You don’t have to be a believer, but you may just end up surprised.

Go to a concert. Dance your *ss off. Sing. Lose your voice.

Lay in the crisp, green grass. Spread a blanket and enjoy the goods in your picnic basket. Read or listen to music. Relax.

Be naked. I’ve never been comfortable being naked, but I figured if I’m going to date myself I better get used to it. What really helped me? Naked yoga!

Cook yourself a fancy meal. Use the good china. Sit at the dining room table. Savor every delicious bite.

Stay up all night. Binge on Netflix. Build a blanket fort. Enjoy your playful self.

Go skydiving. Drive a go-cart. Zip on a line. Do whatever makes your heart race and gets your adrenaline pumping. You are fearless.

Do whatever the hell you want even if that means doing nothing at all.

No matter what you decide to do, do it knowing that without a doubt you are absolutely loved.


Relephant Read: 

Confessions of a Love Addict.



Author: Kelly Chesney 

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Image: Studio tdes/Flickr & Pixabay


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anonymous Nov 29, 2015 4:16pm

Thank you so much for this! I am very fond of self-dating and find that, although time with a partner is also wonderful, giving myself time alone rejuvenates, enlightens, and encourages me toward self-care like nothing else. I found this article very inspiring. 🙂

And yes, amen to your last comment! Perfectly stated.

Peace and blessings!

    anonymous Nov 30, 2015 12:39am

    Jennie, I appreciate your kind words and you see the intent behind my sharing! Keep taking care of yourself!

    Thank you for taking the time to share.

    Love and light to you!

anonymous Nov 27, 2015 4:23am

I love this article. It’s liberating. A breath of fresh air. Thank you. I appreciate it 🙂

    anonymous Nov 30, 2015 12:37am

    Thank you so much for taking time to share, Nahla! I hope you enjoy each and every one of your dates!

anonymous Oct 10, 2015 6:43am

I find it really hard to believe that you would write an article with such a heterocentric title and so much heterocentric language if you yourself identify as a sexual minority and if you are so much a part of the queer community. If that's truly the case, please stand up for yourself and your friends in your writing, show some pride, and look out for the rest of us while you're at it! Thanks.

    anonymous Oct 19, 2015 9:06pm

    I don't identify as a sexual minority. I identify as a human being.
    My dating and sexual preferences really don't have anything to do with this article or its title. Again, this article applies to anyone no matter what their preferences.
    Also, I didn't title the article and I made a request to have it changed. My request was ignored. Thats the way this works. Even though, I still stand by my article. Please don't turn a positive piece of empowerment into something ugly and hateful. Thanks!

anonymous Sep 13, 2015 12:22pm

I really like the idea of this post. I was going to make a comment and now see that Nicole already made a similar one. Based on your reply to her, I'm not sure you completely understood her suggestion, though. I think it's perfectly fine to identify a target audience. The article, however, even if written with women as your target audience, explicitly excludes an entire demographic of women who do not date men or do not exclusively date men – women who have every much the right to get in touch with their feminine essence. I wanted to recommend this post to one of my patients, but since she is excluded from your target audience, I have decided against it.

    anonymous Sep 13, 2015 9:07pm

    Tara, thank you for your thoughts.
    Perhaps I did not express myself myself well. I wrote part of my reply to her suggestion that the article could be applied to males as well. I also responded graciously to her response that I had no intent to exclude anyone and that I intend to be more mindful in the future. I do not date men exclusively myself. Many of my friends date women exclusively and they had a positive response to the article. No matter what our preferences are, yes, we all deserve to get in touch with our feminine essence. This article does apply to all who identify as women and it still holds true, we don't need a man , or another woman or a partner to embrace any of these ideas. Warmly, Kelly

anonymous Sep 12, 2015 12:45am

Great article! Definitely needed to read this. However instead of saying man, I would encourage saying partner so it’s a broader topic to be applied to both males and females.. There’s a large LGBTQI Community and this can definitely apply to that community as well.
Again, great article!

    anonymous Sep 12, 2015 10:06am

    Nicole! Yes! That did occur to me…Too late. I would never want to exclude anyone in that way and will be more mindful in the future. I wrote it with women in mind and have a couple suggestions about getting in touch with our feminine essence that I feel strongly about. But, Partners is a lovely suggestion and I will apply that in the future!

    I am so happy it resonated with you and I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Enjoy your dates!

anonymous Sep 11, 2015 9:03am

I was a single mom between ages 26 yrs and 50 ys. This was the most important time of my life where I raised kids, defined my career and learned to be happy and content alone. When I re-married at 50, I was so comfortable with being alone that I craved that time. Now, I have to build it in to our relationship!

    anonymous Sep 12, 2015 7:19am

    Genevieve, That is wonderful that you have so much comfort in being alone! You sound like an inspiring woman. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it. Much love.

anonymous Sep 11, 2015 12:49am

The heart of this post truly shows! We should definitely love ourselves, too, and cherish those moments alone. It is a different but beautiful experience nonetheless.

    anonymous Sep 12, 2015 7:18am

    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It has been a process, indeed, a beautiful one to unfold. Be well.

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Kelly Chesney

Kelly Chesney is a reiki healer and spends most of her days healing and exploring the connection between intimacy and communication as a healer, life and intimacy coach. She is a student of life and hopes to never have all of the answers.  This gypsy spirit is often restless and disappears on road-trips on a whim. She strives to meditate daily but can rarely sit still. Kelly is modern-day bohemian. She takes after her Grandma in this way. She believes in love, fate and the answers are found staring at the moon. At times, her mind is often over-analyzing and thinking in circles. Sometimes Kelly’s passion gets the best of her. When this happens she types words next to each other in hopes of making sense of it all. When Kelly is not writing she is taking steps every day to live life with fearless abandon, being her most authentic self and learning to say “yes” more. Sharing her words is one of these acts. She hopes to inspire others to do the same.