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You’re gone now, aren’t you?
The hope once placed in you, flown?
I think I thought you’d never leave and yet with naive eyes watched you shrink.
You know, I feel sorry for me looking back to when you were here. I was so sure, so comfortable in my knowledge of you and my trust in your power. But I failed to see that power holds darkness too. Not from itself, not from you, but from what you leave me with.
So now I wander streets alone at night, peering in to windows wondering if others know this feeling too.
I see people who seem to be without you and yet they seem happy. Content. How can that be? What lesson have you taught them that I am yet to see?
I know that I believe in you. I know that you believe in me. But I never imagined how relentless this would be, how unending and brutal the greatest lessons are.
So I stand alone, I accept it at last.
I know that you’re gone now but I know too that you’ll be back. And you’ll be back when I don’t need you anymore, for that will be the time you can truly work your magic.
Sometimes I feel too old for this, too different to the rest with more baggage and less experience and more against than for me. But I’m trusting that to you now, Love. I trust you know my heart.
I’m not angry that you’ve gone, although I’m angry at a lot. More at how I’ve abandoned me and given what others never see. And I’m learning how to watch that fire without burning anyone else yet use it to fuel my strength. I thank you for showing me where I didn’t love me—those places you could never reach.
So this is my prayer to you, and I’ll sing it from the sea.
“I love you, it’s true. Like no other, are you.
But you’ve broken my heart and I’m glad you have, because it needed breaking hard.
I want to be all of me and I want you to be there. And I’m starting to understand, I think, that your absence means you care.
So to you I surrender all of me by claiming it all myself. Because, I think, that’s where you’ve gone—that quiet place in me.
So thank you for showing me you and thank you for showing me me. But thank you most for showing me, that what I really need to see, is every single part of me happy.
Because that, I know, is where we’ll meet again.
So until next time, my most treasured friend, I can’t wait until I see you again and you see what I’ve become.”
Author: Andy Charrington
Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Image: Leland Francisco/ Flickr