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October 29, 2015

Learning How to be Alone.

Alone

Loneliness is tough.

We can all agree on that, right?

And when we are no longer in a relationship, loneliness cuts like a knife. There’s this huge void that we feel like we need to fill.

At least that’s how I felt when my 14 year marriage ended.

I looked for men around every corner—in the bar, at the supermarket, online. I found plenty! But none of them could fill the void.

I fell for all of their lines. I tried to be whatever they wanted me to be—but I was still empty.

Fast forward five years to present time, and I am still alone. At least as far as a “significant other” is concerned. I have my kids full time, I work full time, and I have family close by—so I am never really alone.

But I don’t have that special someone.

I have a long list of past “maybes” that each turned into a hard “no.” And truthfully, I am okay with that.

Loneliness just means you need yourself.

We need to reacquaint ourselves with our self. We need to find our interests, our passion and our soul. We need to read, write, play games, have Netflix marathons—whatever it is that makes us feel good and relaxed.

Go places by yourself. Get yourself out of sticky situations. Depend on yourself. Form a friendship with yourself. Have inside jokes with yourself.

Until you have truly become your own best friend, you cannot give your best self to another.

I didn’t want to believe this.

I wanted to move on—into the next relationship and fall madly in love. But when that didn’t happen for me, I watched others around me. Observation is a wonderful teacher. I observed that many people would fall from the arms of one, into the arms of another.

It reminds me of a television show—a story line is flowing, full of drama and suspense. The actress wants to move on to bigger and better things, like the big screen. The writers and producers are not ready to wrap up the story and kill off the character—so in one episode, this new character walks in, and we hear this voice over saying: “The part of ‘Character A’ is now being played by so-and-so.”

Relationship jumping is basically the same thing. The story line continues, as does the drama.

I realized that I prefer being alone and learning about myself and my view of the world, without influence—so that when my knight in shining armor rides up, I can start a fresh new story with him.

I will be the best version of myself, because I’ve spent enough time with myself to know what was annoying (we all have annoying traits) and what I love about myself, so that I can put my best foot forward.

 

Relephant:

The Sweet Spot of Being Alone.

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Author: Holley Carroll Abrica

Apprentice Editor: Brandie Smith/Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Andrea Rose

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Holley Carroll Abrica