The time of the year that is like three months of how singles feel on Valentine’s Day is here.
It’s almost like the world and all its holiday traditions conspire against those who are wishing for anything but to be haunted by the memories of lost loved ones, to spend another Thanksgiving eating a TV dinner, to feel the deep winter’s chill stab at the loneliness of a broken heart, or to be homeless in more ways than one.
Truly, there is no place like home.
How many of us have a roof over our heads but don’t have a home? How many of us are inside of a relationship that feels empty? And how many would do anything for this season to be the season that their wishes finally came true?
As much as the merriment of dressing up for Halloween, the joy of feasting during Thanksgiving, and the delight of sharing gifts during Christmas dominates the culture this time of year, so too is there a dark underbelly to all of it.
This time of year is a reminder of “the gap.” That is the vast space in between the life you are living and the life you want to live. All the great thought leaders say, “Be grateful for what you have and you will get more of what you want.”
It’s a line I’ve been telling myself for years with a similar tone but different words, “Drive on.”
I am guessing I’m not the only one who “makes the best of the holidays.”
I want to talk to you—the lonely. I want you to know I am looking at you, because I am you. This time of year brings up great pain for me because it reminds me yet again that my parents are dead, there is no husband, and home feels so far away.
I have wrestled with the question, “Why are we here anyway?” “What is all of this about?” “Why did I take the red pill?”
What I know to be true is this: Your life matters. You are not an accident.
The struggle can be and often is overwhelming.
The speed at which we live our lives now boggles my mind. It is so fast that it leaves little room for connection. There is a good chance that to dull out the ache of the holidays, you will spend more time searching for apps on your phone than you will making genuine connections.
Loneliness needs company.
Despair has its own feedback loop and can even feel like it has its own area code—which many people land in just after Thanksgiving.
Now is a time to be mindful.
The second thing I know to be true after spending relentless hours sorting out existence is this: It takes focus. I can’t explain why I’ve dated the men I have, wasted time with men who didn’t care, or endured the struggle for so long except to say, I lacked focus.
My boundaries have turned into blurred lines in what felt like desperate moments.
Loneliness and other insidious mind-bending, perspective-f*cking filters often derail focus.
The short term “live for the moment” becomes seductive in the face of the irrational forever. And forever is based on what you focus on.
It’s your job to remember—to say dedicated to your inspirations.
You are tasked with a few things as a soul in a body:
First, your life is about contribution. Swipe left on entitlement. You are here to be of service. But, first you have to remember the gifts you came to earth to share and cultivate them.
Second, take ownership. Your body is the earth and the earth is your body. Only take what you need.
Third, celebrate. If no other time than now, celebrate the breath in your lungs.
Sorrow tends to wake during the winter. It too will derail your focus.
So, start your resolutions now. If you want a wife and kids, or just a loving spouse, or even just a boyfriend to take home to your parents, make it your focus.
Want what you want and measure it against what you need.
In the end, the answer is singular.
No matter the time of the year and especially in this season, we all need connection.
We all want to go home.
Author: Rebekah McClaskey
Editor: Travis May