What if every man had two penises, and each penis had an opposite point of view?
We would discover quickly what genuine pleasure is: having lots of sex and not getting stuck on one point of view. If one penis was a liberal the other would be a conservative, and a lover could pick who she wanted to make love with at any particular moment.
Just outside of our solar system there is a planet where each man has two penises and all the women are perpetually satisfied. Instead of consuming time with football or a defense budget they have loads of sex. Sex is their national sport and past time. They flaunt it. There is no marketing, war, or strife on this planet because everyone is always satisfied. And while that may sound boring, I assure you it is anything but.
I once had a threesome. Paul and I had a date with Joanna. Paul was a traveling salesman and early the next morning as Joanna was on her way out the door he said, “Next time I am in town let’s get together again and you bring a friend.”
“There is no way I am going to share the two of you,” said Joanna with a satisfied grin on her face.
The secret to male and female satisfaction is simple:
Have plenty of sex with nothing to prove. Without the need to prove prowess, men relax and women smile, soaking up more than their weight in ecstasy and attention.
Life on the planet with two penises
Rather than trying to prove themselves, the dual-penised men are perfectly content to express who they are. They are not driven by winning and losing; they enjoy playing.
One evening Martha may want a sweet, gentle sex with a penis that cares and the next evening she may desire to be taken roughly by the less sensitive penis. Lucky for Martha her spouse, George has both. Martha gets what she wants and never had to decline sex.
When women do not have to train their fellas by withholding sex, they also do not have to deny themselves the sex they really want. Martha desiring sex is not dirty and it does not make her a lascivious whore. It makes her joyful!
Neither penis is dominant. Both can offer pleasure and either one of them can offer a second, even opposing experience at any point in time.
The availability of another opinion, complete with another set of balls, results in many satisfied women and absolutely no strife. But what about the reproductive power of two penises?
Since Martha can choose which penis point of view she would like to make love with each evening, she never had to decline sex. When she can embrace the entire range of George’s self-expression she ends up having sex with both penises. Only sex with both penises can result in what they call “peace children.” Peace children are conceived by embracing the opposite agendas of both penises.
When Martha has sex with only one of George’s penises she can never get pregnant. But when she embraces both of them, the whole man, offspring are welcomed into a peaceful and plentiful world.
Returning to Earth
On Planet Sex, as we will call it, the angels, like Martha and George, are not on a schedule or time delay. They always have what they want without waiting for it. They are enlightened with nowhere to get to and nothing to prove.
There are no speed limits. All food is non-caloric and delicious. Inhabitants derive their nutrition from the sun and still eat just for the fun of it. They never fight or bicker.
The real secret to their enlightenment and peace is not that the men have two penises. It is that everybody always has plenty of sex and nobody gets stuck on one point of view. Without a sex shortage they focus on connections and joy instead of sex.
Earth would not make any sense to the inhabitants of Planet Sex. The angels visit here and scratch their little halos, or both of their penises, trying to make sense of why we would make our lives so difficult.
Darwin had only one penis. And it is not evolutionarily likely that many of us will be born with two penises anytime soon. So, rather than attempting to breed men with two penises, let us explore how we can have the best of both worlds here and now.
Secrets of Angels
On Planet Sex women never withhold sex; they give it unconditionally. Men give unconditional attention. The lack of conditions results in a very ripe planet.
Earth is not so ripe. But we are ripening. We are evolving into angels ourselves.
“You look great,” says one of George’s penises.
“You look like crap,” says the other.
Martha basks in the light of both, knowing that she can choose either perspective.
On Earth we do not dare tell someone they look like crap unless we are angry with them or holding them hostage in some manipulative game.
There are no hostages on Planet Sex but on Earth there are many. People are hostages to what others might think or how others may react. People must react in certain ways simply to please others. Penises are held hostage by headaches and rejection.
There is a particular interaction between hostages and their captors and we call it relationship. On Planet Sex there is no confrontation, the magic number is three and it results in resolution instead of opposition.
A simple way to simulate the peace of Planet Sex here on Earth is for each man to discover opposite perspectives and embrace both. People argue over a point of view that can easily be changed. In fact any point of view can change simply by changing location.
If she does not respond to you yelling at her, try whispering. If giving her the silent treatment is not resulting in fabulous sex then speak up! If you are a conservative Republican and you are not having enough sex then try being a liberal Democrat or vice versa.
Be both a Republican and a Democrat, too fat and too thin, nice and not nice, loving and not loving. Embrace opposites, and have more and better sex.
It takes an enormous amount of energy to maintain a single position. Whether it is your political view, your morality, or your intelligence. But when you are not spending your energy on maintaining a position you can spend that energy on sex!
When they built the Chunnel between France and England, they did not just tunnel from one side. They tunneled from both and met in the middle.
My brother and I did the same thing as children. I never had a happier moment, with my brother, than when we tunneled through a huge snowdrift and met in the middle coming from different sides.
I’ve had the same sort of sensation in relationship: tunneling to each other and meeting in the middle. Various points of view makes the meeting more likely and provides sensations of togetherness, excitement and safety.
Men and women are different. They also tend to come at things from different directions and that can get in the way of our one penis sex. But when a fella can offer up opposite points of view, the differences between men and women becomes seductive and hot.
Really, having a second and third point of view is almost as good as having a second or third penis. And, when it comes to points of view and penises the more the merrier.
Author: Jerry Stocking
Editor: Travis May
Photo: by c.Everett Collection / Rex Features (872250a)
‘Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’, Frederic March
‘Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’ Film – 1931