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January 12, 2016

Dating for the Sake of Dating.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/lac-bac/4679197416/in/photolist-88u7nw-8hKEEa-7LHHwe-phtkNV-igevzp-peUZ2Z-acb4Fs-6W9H2E-5CnaeF-Bv7uay-oCbY2P-zrGrt5-vPq8R1-by9E8Z-uVNkP8-4PM2St-ej3zdF-xGF5Kj-z5tqz-BH1WQL-Ar2Jcx-bckXvt-wGZQT-jhumep-4Z3P6K-xfMdQF-ifgg9R-aaCd9r-6W9DNu-8xXaej-4m6Nvr-6WA1gC-4j2SJs-6YBvgi-7SUjCh-8ZzkuH-obMknN-bkCMSy-iaxKgk-9CBarF-hbqDQY-cDMocf-83vQpY-rjnpUH-7CMjhW-8ZQrZa-8JS8rC-oanbL9-B1cqHt-8JJYeR

Should single people date just for the sake of dating?

Should I let one of those Match.com guys take me out for coffee or dinner, even though I’m more than fairly certain it would be a one-date sort of a deal?

I don’t know. I really don’t.

In the dating world, does “use it or lose it” apply?

To be honest, when it comes to dating, I’ve never “had it” in a substantial enough way to worry about losing it! I can count on one hand (no over-exaggeration) the number of actual dates I’ve been on.

I’m talking the first dates that happen after you meet someone in the aisle at the grocery store, not the “I’m your quasi-boyfriend, let’s go out to dinner” dates. I had a pretty sizeable wall up for a long time as a coping mechanism for my intense vulnerability and desire for love. I’m pretty sure my “don’t even try, you’re not going to get anywhere” vibes were powerful enough to literally repel men away from me. I’ve spend the past couple years dismantling the force field, but dating action in my life is still slow.

Slow, as in Not. Happening.

So, I guess what I’m asking is, should I date for the sake of getting some practice at dating?

Do I need practice? Is dating an activity we should practice at?

The valuable thing about dating practice is that we get to learn about ourselves; where we are challenged, how we show up in relationships, how secure our boundaries are (if they exist at all), and ultimately how we can cultivate our hearts so that we’re ready to be better in a relationship when the right person shows up.

But are we ever ready??

I have this highly-romantic idea that I’ll be dead-ass single until my soul mate just randomly appears in my life. You know, like we’re both walking down the beach in Costa Rica, coming at each other from opposite directions, when our eyes meet, and we know right away that each other is “the one”.

Is that completely f*cking ridiculous, or 100% possible? Both?

I just can’t convince myself that dating for the sake of dating is worth my time. I’d much rather spend an evening doing yoga, writing, reading, drinking tea, planning world domination, or hanging out with friends than trying to make conversation with some guy who can’t go any deeper than “so where do you see yourself in five years?”

I suppose part of my struggle with dating is, as much as I’d love to have a man in my life, I’m not looking for what most people are looking for. Or at least, what they think they’re looking for.

The idea of a home and a routine with someone I love sounds wonderful on one hand, and spirit-crushingly boring on the other. I don’t know if I’ll ever be at a point where I want to live only in one place, and see palm trees but once a year. I’m working hard at building a business that will allow me to work from anywhere in the world. And that’s where I intend to be. Anywhere and everywhere.

When I envision the love I want, I picture a man who also travels a lot, speaking and teaching at conferences, and who has his own game-changing life going on. We have an incredible life together, and we have incredible lives apart. We meet in exotic locations like India, spend a month loving on each other, then he flies off to Ireland and I leave for Australia. We have a home-base where we spend a few months every year, getting grounded and settling into a life together, but soon enough, as Anais Nin said, “our hair gets pulled by the stars” and we are off again, to beautiful places, and to inspire and elevate people all over the world.

Is there an online dating site for people who are looking for a relationship like that?

I can’t help but feel like I’m after a needle in a haystack with that one. But I know those men do exist. I have, and have had some in my life to prove it. I know that he is out there, and I’m not going to have to give any thought to whether or not he’s worth my time.

Until our eyes meet on the beach in Costa Rica, or somewhere else in this wild world, maybe I’ll practice at dating, and maybe I won’t. I’ll continue working away at making my life everything I know it’s meant to be, and maybe I’ll sprinkle in a few coffee dates just for practice.

Or, maybe I won’t

~

Relephant:

For all the Single Ladies: This is why We are still Single.

Author: Erin Crawford

Editor: Erin Lawson

Images: Flickr/Matthias Ripp   //   Flickr/BiblioArchives

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