March 17, 2016

Confessions of a Feminist who Loves Being a Housewife.


I didn’t plan to get married. It was a combination of not believing in the institution of marriage and fear of ending up divorced like so many, including my parents.

But as it often goes in life, what we resist, persists. Through a series of undeniable synchronizing events, the universe was pointing me in the direction of marriage after all.

In Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, “Committed,” she must come to terms with remarrying even though she vowed not to after a painful divorce. She highlights the idea that marriage can be whatever each of us wants it to be. Society may tell us what marriage should look like, but ultimately we are the deciders of our own fate. And who says marriages have to be conventional?

As it turned out, my marriage became more conventional than I could imagine, but it was also great. We moved for my husband’s job shortly before getting married and I took a break from working. I unpacked us and set up the house as well as cooked, cleaned and did my husband’s laundry for the first time in our co-habitation history. Was I losing my feminist card by doing all the housework? What would all the other independent women think? Really, I just loved taking care of my man and he was equally happy to provide for our family.

In studying the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, there is a sort of magic that happens when we embrace the differences between the sexes (these concepts work in a variety of ways, including in same sex relationships) and how we complement one another. This doesn’t always mean a woman stays home and a man works, but that is the particular expression that had just fallen in my lap. Right now my husband’s role is providing and mine is nurturing; they are equally important and needed.

In every relationship there are polarities that keep the balance and are imperative for ongoing attraction and connection. Where masculine energy is single-focused, action-oriented and practical, feminine energy is fluid, intuitive and creative. I suspect the reason our new roles fit so well was because they worked with our natural tendencies. Even though I desperately wanted to stay in the comfortable ranks of the “I don’t need no stinkin’ man” club, it seemed worth the risk to jump ship. I’ll admit, sometimes it feels like I live in the 50s, but now it just makes me smile instead of cringe.

For now, my husband’s clothes will magically become clean and his dinners will be ready when he gets home. Roles ebb and flow and I know this expression of our energies won’t last forever. Many couples achieve polarity and maintain the balance of masculine and feminine while both working outside the home and sharing household duties.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find myself in the role of a housewife let alone be enjoying it. It’s a funny and humbling experience when our foundation is shaken and what results is far better than any of our original expectations.

And the best part of all of this is…I don’t even lose my feminist card, it’s just been revised.


Author: Jesalyn Eatchel

Apprentice Editor: Esther Fiore; Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Ethan/Flickr

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Jesalyn Eatchel