Some Days Being Single Sucks.

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doing dishes

There I said it.

I’m not looking for pity or reassurance that someone will come along. I’m not looking for the sympathy. I’m just stating a fact.

Most days I am quite fine with it. But we all have days where life is just not quite what you thought it would be or should be.

As humans, we long for connection. We were not meant to go it alone. We need that feeling of belonging. We all have connections with others; our family, our kids or our friends. But that connection with someone special is just different.

I have lots of people in my life that love me. I am, indeed, a very lucky person. But some days—sigh—well some days I long for more.

Some days, paying the bills on our own sucks.

Some days another income would be amazing! To have a little extra to play with. For new furniture. Or a trip. Or just something extra without having to worry about it. A joint account where some of your money and some of their money goes in each month to cover the necessities. And then an account of our own, a fun fund.

Some days, trying a new recipe sucks.

No one to have as a guinea pig to try an outlandish recipe on. Cooking for one is difficult. And quite honestly, I dislike it. I hate trying to cut back on a recipe for just one. I always end up with leftovers. And there is no one to tell you it is wonderful or horrible. No one to suggest to just order pizza instead as they attempt to swallow the disaster.

Some days the house is too quiet.

Too much space for thoughts to run free in. There is no one to answer silly questions. No one to listen to me ramble on. No one to roll their eyes over something I may have done or not done, for that matter. No one to yell at to turn down the music. No one to run into when coming around the corner with an arm full of laundry. No one to blame that the kitchen is a disaster.

Some days laundry for one feels like a larger chore than doing it for an entire family.

Throwing in just a few outfits from the week seems like such a waste. There is no one to ask to move the stuff out of the washer into the dryer. No one to help fold it. No one to wonder why the other side of the bed is filled with clean clothes that haven’t been put away.

Some days that bed is just too big.

Its surface area feels like a vast wasteland. No one to cuddle up too. No one to complain about stolen covers. No one to elbow and tell them to stop snoring. Or be elbowed! Those nights when that happens, I have moved out to the couch to sleep. I curl into the cushions. Feeling like I have something to lean on. It doesn’t feel so empty on the couch.

Some days the daily tasks or chores seem overwhelming to do alone.

Run here. Pick up this. Drop off that. No one to call to ask if they could stop and grab the milk that was forgotten. No one to split the chores with. No one to ask for help with those everyday things we do.

No sitting on the couch wondering why we are watching the stupid shows that we do. No getting pissed at someone because they are breathing too loudly or blinking too often. No walking into the kitchen to find dirty dishes in the sink, mere inches from the damn dishwasher.

Some days being single sucks. For all those practical reasons and then there are the other reasons.

No quiet touch from a lover. Not a single word spoken, just “being” with each other.

No gentle brush of a body as we pass in the hall.

No catching someone watching you getting ready in the morning with a silly smile on their face.

No “I’m just thinking of you” texts throughout the day.

No impromptu lunches just because he/she was in the neighborhood.

No flowers sitting on your desk to remind you that you are loved.

No walking through the door at the end of the day knowing that there is someone there that has got your back.

No one to sigh gently at when asked about your day.

No one to give you that hug that says “I’m here” when it feels like the whole world has walked out on you.

No one to curl up to and warm that cold ass on in the bed.

No one to reach out to, in the middle of the night when you wake up with a start.

No one to kill the spiders.

So yes, some—not all, but some days—being single sucks.

 

Author: Debbi Serafinchon

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

Photo: Eleazar / Flickr 

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Debbi Serafinchon

Debbi Serafinchon is a passionate lover of life. Most of her writing comes from personal experiences that she takes the time to try and understand through her writing. A natural questioner of life, she often tries to fit the pieces of what is happening in her world together through writing. This divorced mom to four older children, finds she now has the time to follow her dreams. She loves to travel, learn and interact with people. Her life is summarized by her favorite quote by Douglas Adams: “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” You can find more of her writing on her website and follow her on Facebook.

Comments

12 Responses to “Some Days Being Single Sucks.”

  1. Del says:

    Agreed…nice article.

  2. Sandra says:

    Yup. BUT…All those 'other reasons' at the end? That happens when your married too sometimes. And it's worse than when you're on your own. And I like being able to spend my money as I like without someone telling me…"we can't afford that" all the stinking time!

  3. Thank you Del. I appreciate you reading. Not all days, but some days it’s just difficult.

  4. amanda says:

    Strange, I’ve been single for 4 years now. The longest period of my life. Only tonight, on a bus, I passed by a house with the curtains open and happened to see a couple in their living room having a hug. It hit me like a punch in the stomach, the realisation that I truly missed that closeness with another person and the minute I got off the bus the tears fell. Your article came at a perfect time to remind me I’m not alone. Thank you x

    • Debbi Serafinchon says:

      Hugs to you. Most days it doesn't bother me but when it does, I feel it deep. Thank you for sharing this with me. No, we're not alone.

  5. Donna says:

    Some days it’s nice to wake up and not worry what I look like without make-up.
    Someday it’s lovely to get on from work and put your jarmies on and get horizontal on the sofa with my little cat….with NO car programmes or football on.
    Some days I appreciate going into my bathroom without a half hour wait and accompanying after-odours. Urgh!
    Some days it’s reassuring to hear couples bickering and realise how good it is to not have to answer to anyone.
    Everyday I’m grateful that I don’t have to walk on egg-shells, be accused of things I haven’t done, have no fear, no psychological abuse, no smashed up house. no bruises or broken bones.
    Yeh, it gets lonely at times but overall..
    Being single ROCKS!!!

  6. Michel Capeto says:

    I understand how you feel. My wife passed two-and -a-half years ago and the loneliness became overwhelming. After some experience in the “new dating world”, it became obvious that there are some serious problems with the male/female dynamic in this country.

    Unfortunately someone I perceived as perfect in every way entered my life. We shared yoga so the spirituality and the ethical and moral codes were mutually understood – right? She said things like “if you ever leave me, it will break my heart.” Five-and -a-half months into the relationship, one week after the new year, she dumped me like rotten trash – one day after visiting me on my sick bed and telling me she loved me. She cut all contact with me from that point on – no closure.

    From loving widower to hateful, distrustful, jilted man. Realize that it’s not the “what” or the “why” of her actions, but the cold-hearted “how.” Women and their daughters are living in the wake of the “disposable male” syndrome. While I am all for female independence, its rise has occurred over a period when the American male has been subjugated to everybody and everything in his partner’s life – divorce rates are unacceptably high.

    Our kids watch our every move. Until recently I could’t understand why two beautiful, intelligent, highly-paid, twenty-something, female family members couldn’t find a partner. In talking to my 21-year old son last night, he confirmed it – young men don’t trust the true intentions of females anymore. They even discuss getting vasectomies so as not to get mistakenly hooked. Let’s face it, women don’t even need us to have children anymore.

    For me, I’m digging a little deeper into yoga than what is being offered at the “western sweat factories.” The purpose of the meditative techniques is for the intellectual sheath to overcome the automated actions of the mental sheath – mainly anger, hatred and jealousy. Im going to India for some guidance, but will probably never make myself vulnerable again. It hurts too much, exponentially worse than loneliness.

    • justmedebbi says:

      This broke my heart to read. I too have experienced what you described. I too have had my heart ripped out and stomped on by someone I thought loved me. I'm sorry to hear that this has left you with an amazing amount of pain. I truly hope you find some peace on your journey. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

  7. j says:

    Michel,

    Unfortunately, as much as I wish it weren’t so, I have to acknowledge that I often feel something close to what you’ve expressed. At this time, — in this country (the U.S.), at least — I feel increasingly pessimistic about ‘relationships’

    “…never make myself vulnerable again. It hurts too much, exponentially worse than loneliness.”

    Sigh… I wonder if any women will acknowledge and respond to your message.

    • Debbi Serafinchon says:

      It pains me to know that both genders can leave so much hurt in their wake. I truly hope that you find peace. I'm not quite ready to give up hope yet. Thank you J, for sharing this with me.

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