The deeper I’ve gotten into my meditation practice, the more I’ve realized that meditation and sex are inextricably linked.
Both are incredible tools for moving energy and both have the amazing power of throwing us right into the present moment. They are both incredibly sensual acts of self-love and they both harness the potent energy of the lower centers of our body to create altered states of consciousness.
I have had Kundalini orgasms in meditation that have exploded from my brain and body with such force that I have been left completely without words…only able to hysterically laugh for 30 minutes or more. I have experienced waves of energy so electric that, for hours after my meditation, I’ve been overcome with spontaneous orgasms that left my body quivering with pleasure. It is absolutely real, and each of us has this energy available to us right there in our bodies.
Since most of us are probably way more practiced at sex than we are at meditation, there are some common themes we can explore to begin to understand how experimenting with meditative energy is much like experimenting with our sexual energy.
1. The more you practice, the better you get.
How bad was your first time having sex? Like “super-awkward-don’t-even-want-to-relive-it” bad or “just-kind-of-weird” bad? Why have we forgotten that being bad at something at first is normal for most things in life?
Think of a baby learning to walk. They don’t try it once, fall on their big, padded diaper-butt and then crawl off angry never to try again. And I’m guessing you didn’t stop having sex after that first awkward experience. You kept at it and you’ve learned a trick or two since then haven’t you, you sexy beast?
Meditation is no different. And repetition is an important part of the way our brain and body were designed to function. As we practice something again and again, the brain builds deeper, wider pathways for maximum efficiency and the cells that form our muscles create a memory so that we can perform that action again.
We were designed to improve by doing things again and again. That’s why it’s called a meditation practice. And the more we practice, the better we get at managing our energy and guiding our brain and body into the kinds of experiences we desire for ourselves.
2. The more present you are, the better it feels.
How many times have you been having sex and noticed that your mind just isn’t in it? You’re either chattering away in your head about the details of the sex act itself—your body, the other person’s body, the bed, the room; you name it—or you’re somewhere else completely…making a grocery list, thinking about your plans for later that afternoon, looking at the clock.
How’d that turn out? Not so great, I’m guessing.
When the brain is hyper-analyzing, it is still firing in the faster beta brainwaves that are associated with both stress and our waking state. When we begin to slip into the quiet hum of meditation, the brain slows into delta and theta brainwaves and we begin to experience flow within the brain and body.
Channels open between the two sides of the brain. Cocktails of feel-good hormones and chemicals are released in the body. And systems that were formerly clenched and pinched begin to relax allowing energy to move.
Presence is key to fully engaging in all experiences in life. Whether it’s sex or meditation, sending our awareness to whatever is happening in that moment brings us back into the now and increases both sensation and pleasure emotionally and chemically.
3. Self-exploration is key.
We’ve all been in that situation in bed when the other person is doing something in the name of our pleasure and it’s doing absolutely zero for us. And they’re trying so hard that we kind of feel bad telling them to nix it, but we can’t just lay there faking it.
Meditating can be kind of like that too. Only you know what feels good to you. There is no energy-o-meter (yet) that can tell another person what makes energy move for you. You do that.
Just like the key to great sex is knowing what you like, the key to great meditation is practicing and noticing what feels best to you. And the secret to knowing what is going to get you where you need to be is exploring your own body and traipsing around in your own energy.
This can be experimenting with different breathing techniques and noting the sensations. It could be practicing first in silence and then with music and observing which left you feeling more expansive and relaxed. It might be alternating between morning and night meditation and finding out which got you deeper into the stillness. You are the expert when it comes to you; be willing to spend the time finding out what you like.
4. It’s just as much about the journey as the destination.
Okay, yes, orgasms are awesome (super awesome!), but the best sex isn’t always about the power-packed happy ending. There is so much sweetness to be had in lingering in the sensations, in the connection with your partner and the exploration of bliss. Without the build-up of that electric energy, the climax wouldn’t be as great.
Great meditation is similar in that every aspect of the practice is important for whatever is to unfold in your mind and body. This could be a huge release of emotion that unfolds into cleansing tears. It could be discomfort that makes you antsy and anxious. It could be pervasive stillness that causes you to lose all sense of time and space. It could be half an hour of feeling like not much happened at all.
Whatever the experience, it is about being right there in moment, whatever that moment is bringing. When we are able to let go of the analysis, the clenching and the waiting for something to happen, the awareness comes rushing in and all at once we realize we have arrived somewhere. But it was a string of present moments that got us there.
Life is only ever happening now and to sit with ourselves in the expansive present moment is to truly live—no matter where we perceive the ending to be.
5. It’s supposed to be fun!
Sex and meditation feel good! They both have proven health benefits, and they both release a rush of hormones and chemicals in the body that bring about stress-relief, pain-relief and miraculous occurrences. (I think babies and brain orgasms are both pretty miraculous.)
There’s a reason that we were created with such an immense capacity for sensation and for deriving pleasure from those sensations. We aren’t running from lions anymore just trying to survive. We have the unique privilege of living a life dedicated to finding whatever aspect of this existence brings us joy and to then milk that joy in celebration of life.
The best meditation and sex come when we bring that same attitude of celebration and lightness to the act. We are sentient beings living divinely blessed lives for the purpose of expansion and joy.
Sounds like a recipe for fun to me.
Author: Kayla Floyd
Image: Shan Sheehan/Flickr
Apprentice Editor: Lois Person/Editor: Emily Bartran