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May 8, 2016

Choosing to Believe: In our Selves, our Dreams & our Worth.

lionel abrial/Unsplash

We’ve all had dreams that we didn’t allow to be more than dreams, and sometimes those dreams just give up and move on.

These dreams appear to us through thoughts that pop into our heads, and seem so random that we wonder where they came from. Our intuition is screaming at us by allowing these thoughts to appear out of nowhere.

We push them aside and avoid them by telling ourselves they are silly or outlandish. We find reasons to not follow our heart’s desires. We look for any excuse as to why we should not listen to our intuition that is trying to lead us down a path that we are scared to go down.

We offer all kinds of reasons to ourselves as to why we couldn’t possibly allow something to happen. We’re too busy. We have to think of others. It’s not the right time. We don’t have the money. When I just finish this one thing I am working on, then I will allow that dream to happen. We tell ourselves that it would be selfish to live out our dreams, that responsible people don’t just do whatever pops into their heads.

I know this all to be true because I have lived all those reasons, and I see now that I came up with the best excuses because I was scared. Scared to be judged. Scared to fail. Scared to succeed. Scared that I couldn’t trust what I was thinking, and that I didn’t deserve to live out my dreams.

I didn’t believe in me. I didn’t trust me. I didn’t listen to me.

But sometimes a dream has holding power and it refuses to be given up on. We hear it by feeling it in our hearts. These dreams stay stored in our hearts to be played on repeat, day after day, until one day we can’t ignore them any longer.

Today marks that day for me. It was set into motion almost a month ago, but since then I have had plenty of opportunities to back out of it. I have had plenty of time to think of some great excuses as to why I should not listen, yet again, to this dream—but I am not going to make any more excuses.

Today I will step onto a plane to Europe. Even though I have stepped onto many before, today is different. Today is the day that I do it on shaky knees, but with a smile in my heart.

Today I am crying the tears of all my emotions at once as I type this out. I cry these tears because today is the day that I trust myself and listen to what my inner voice is telling me. Today I push aside everyone’s opinion on why I should or shouldn’t do what I feel in my heart to be right. Today I trust me, and that no matter who says I can’t or shouldn’t, I don’t have to give them any power.

I trust that I am allowed to stop listening to those outside voices.

So today I claim back my own power that I have so freely given away. Today is the day that I tell myself that I am so worthy of what I accept into my life. Worthy of happiness. Worthy of joy. Worthy of all the lesson I am learning. Worthy of the pain that has brought me to this place. Worthy of trusting in and of myself.

This has nothing to do with proving anything to anyone, nor does it have anything to do with spite or vindication.

This has everything to do with saying to ourselves that we respect ourselves enough to say, “Hey! I hear you and I am going to give you all that you deserve!” It has everything to do with believing in our dreams and desires. It’s okay to want things for ourselves. It’s okay to allow good things into our lives. It’s okay to experience the pain that will come in life. It’s okay to learn from it without having to validate it. It’s all okay.

So today I am heading to Europe, a lifelong dream that has stayed in my heart for many years. One that I have put on hold for just as many years because I made other choices in life. Choices that I am so glad I did because they have shaped me into the person I am today.

It is a day that I quiet those demons dancing in my head.

It is a day that I allow myself to fully embrace this path that I am on without judgement.

It is a day that I walk free of my cage I have kept my spirit in for so long.

Today is the day that I choose to finally jump. As scared sh*tless as I may be, today is the day I jump whole-heartedly in the direction my dream is leading me.

 

 

Author: Debbi Serafinchon 

Image: lionel abrial/Unslpash

Editor: Emily Bartran

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