I will not ask you to love me.
Maybe you are up for the challenge, or maybe we’ll never be in the same place—geographically, psychologically, emotionally, metaphorically.
I will let you know that this is possible, that maybe, just maybe, this is something worth keeping.
But I will not hang expectations on that thing; I know all too well how much those fall so quickly and I have no more energy for disappointment.
Life is too short for drama and neuroses; my heart is tired of all that.
I will not ask you, because I want to be asked. I want to be prompted. I will stay open and say what I feel and let you know how I am thinking of you but I will not go to you, because I’ve done that before, and it never works.
I refuse to need you.
I will ask how you feel. I will lead with my own heart, and sit back a little. But I will never ask you to love me, because time plays tricks on fools like us. We think we can just bounce around and never stop to just sit and be with and know that person right under our nose.
You and I, we need to think in terms of possibility—be it out of doubt or in wonder or a little of both—and so we have to go instead of stay.
We need to see what’s out there.
We let each other go instead of stay, because we each deeply crave creative freedom in lives that thrive on art.
We are natural explorers…and how could we dare take that away from each other? Besides, staying has never held us well in the past—it’s only led to hurt, regret, wasted energy.
I will not ask you to love me, because the kind of love I want is the free kind, the kind that people have to find and choose for themselves, just because they know it’s right.
Although it seems backwards, that kind of freedom is easy to offer, because I understand you. I don’t know in what way I love you, but I get you. I get this need. And so the way that I love you is in offering that freedom. I somehow receive that from you too—-simultaneous stability and freedom.
Before this, I didn’t believe that the two could co-exist. When we’re apart, I have my moments of doubt. I am certain that we can (and do) find a balance, but I’m also pretty sure that we each have more falling to do first.
I will not ask you to love me, because I’d rather each of us spend our lives exploring in the name of art, then come back around to find each other when we understand completely why that union is the best choice.
When we do find each other, we are free. But individually we haven’t quite learned it, so we doubt ourselves and this thing we have (or at least I do), and that is okay.
I will not offer or settle for less than this, and why should you?
We’ll find each other when we know the answer.
Author: Renée Picard
Image: Jordan Whitt at Unsplash