We must sit on the rim
of the well of darkness
and fish for fallen light
with patience. ~ Pablo Neruda
This week I wanted to quit.
The world simply felt like too much. And it felt like it was all mine to carry. No break, no respite. No one else to lighten my load and share the burden.
The world felt scary and like the better of any option was just to cocoon myself in the dark, cool solitude of my room.
But here’s the thing that I’ll very begrudgingly admit to you. Any time change seems scary and overwhelming, it’s most probably the true signal that a growth period is just around the corner—an old way of being is being shed and we’re stepping into the metamorphosis of new growth.
This week I simply was not well. My yoga mat is my place where I go to think—and cry, and move through fear and other countless challenging and boundless emotions. It’s my space where I feel free to express what’s going on in my deepest layers. It’s a beautiful fact for which I’m grateful, that my yoga mat is my safe space where I can escape judgment and the chaos of human agenda.
And this week, the time spent in that space was full of confusion, tears, what-ifs, should-haves, regrets, and the surfacing of my deepest fears that I share with no one.
This week, everything that lives beneath the superficial me came to pay a visit. The emotions that live deep in my body that were ready to be seen and acknowledged and processed—even though the fear of doing so is painstakingly fear-inducing—were right there, screaming for attention.
When emotion strikes, asking us to rise to the occasion, we have the option to shirk away because we’re just not ready to meet it. Or to face it. And facing it might mean the emotion shatters us apart at first and breaks us to a point of feeling inconsolable. But, we lean into it, examine the lessons received, and gain courage to grow stronger and face the lessons being presented courageously.
This week was my reminder of human metamorphosis. And this evolutionary darkness can be incredibly dark and painful. We must be kind and gentle with ourselves.
We are evolved beings and we are not meant to stay stuck—ever. We must take the droplets of courage that drip through us and use that to stand up a little stronger, and a little more fiercely, and lean into the growth of our beingness.
And remember, no matter how daunting it gets, you’re never alone.
Do not settle for labels that presume you will never heal. Believe in yourself. Find a tribe who understands and believes in you too. Don’t ever give up. ~ Vironika Tugaleva
Author: Caitlin Oriel