If reading the title of this article is followed by the impulse to get the answer within the first line and then move on to the next thing, it could signal that you want more romance in your life because you have a bad habit of rushing things.
Romance takes time. In fact, romance and seduction are bedfellows.
In Robert Greene’s book, The Art of Seduction, he talks about how seduction is a slow process of drawing out one’s victim and exposing their deepest desires. Romance is less calculating, as it is predicated more on sensuality than acquisition.
And there is one thing romance needs to flourish: two willing participants. Romance does not exist in a vacuum. No matter how much we post on social media and no matter how many “likes” we get, it is still just a play for one.
Think about it for a moment. When we “communicate” through mechanical devices, the only reaction we can feel is our own. Narcissism is the new normal since social media and emails have become the preferred way to communicate. So, while there is a faction of people who remain cynical about romance, it seems that it might just be the thing that saves us from ourselves.
The elements of romance are similar to the dictates of etiquette. There are agreements to be made and then acted out. The man opens the door. The woman swoons and gives the man praise. Compliments are paid. And cooperative components such as chemistry, set and setting, food and drink, sight and sound, taste and smell combine to catalyze love-making.
In this case, love-making is not sex. It is the mutual delighting of the senses. As eyes gaze into one another, the soul inside becomes witnessed.
This is the type of exchange that stops time.
The moment is so rich that both parties are filled to overflowing. The bliss point is reached where neither person can get enough, while simultaneously feeling as satisfied as they have ever been. It is ripe and rich. It is passionate and gentle. It is something we all long for because, sadly, it seems so much of life has become about numbing out or getting a fast fix.
Bombardment of the senses creates the need to numb.
But, think of a hand gently placed on your heart and fingers that feel like a feather stroking up and down your chest. Think of a gentle kiss on your forehead. The sweet whispers of a romantic language in your ear. It is not to be understood. It is to be felt.
Now imagine these kind gestures taking place in a surrounding that suits your temperament. For some it is camping under the stars. Others will imagine lying in a cottage by the ocean and listening to the rhythm of the waves. Take this moment to conjure that landscape.
Now taste whatever you are drinking while reading this, because I can’t imagine this article not being paired with a sparkling white wine or an expertly crafted cappuccino. Savor whatever you are eating and if it does not make you feel good—throw it out!
Romance is essential, because without it we become addicted to its counterfeit: lust. Romance calls each sense to be fully expressed. It scoffs at limitations. Romance recognizes each person as full. There are no halves to a whole. There are no completions to be made. Rather, romance augments people made of stardust and turns them into supernovas.
And romance does not discriminate. No amount of seeking will expedite its arrival. As long as we have six senses, romance lives inside of us. Then, like the first flower to break through the last winter’s snow, romance will show itself at just the right time. The moment will feel special. It might even feel like it took forever to show up.
But what is time besides an artifice of the mind? Romance always happens now.
The lie of addiction would tell us that we need the other person now to sustain the feelings romance brings. The truth is, we need to feel into how that person catalyzed our self-expression. Examine the magic that occurred when delight became priority over numbness.
We need each other to wake one another up.
We are social creatures. There are several dating sites and apps to play with. However, meeting someone while we are busy living our mission is precious.
Of course, it has to be acknowledged that living without loving touch and romantic moments creates a real void. And romance is the arbiter of not only loving touch but also the prerequisite to falling in love. Romance, love, relationship, touch, precious moments, sharing, building a life together and happiness all have one thing in common.
Author: Rebekah McClaskey
Editors: Toby Israel; Caitlin Oriel