She is not angry that the relationship didn’t work out between the two of you.
She is disappointed yes, but there is no anger. The disappointed comes from believing she had all this figured out for herself and that past experiences had taught her where to place her expectations.
She’s learned that she is not immune to heartache, and she knows she will grow stronger because of it.
She has had others like you who were attracted to her untamable spirit—you are not the first man who has looked her way and decided that she was someone you’d like to get to know. They too have witnessed her from afar and were intrigued by the energy she exuded enough to want to get closer to her.
Others have been captivated by her genuine smile that really does seem to call people to her. She has been told this by many, so it is not her imagination. She believes the words that others have told her and has made this a part of her truth.
She knows that her authenticity either scares people away or excites them enough that they willingly step forward, saying that she is worth getting to know. She knows her worth and
She is not afraid to show vulnerability and was excited at the ways that you reached out to her, wanting to show her just how important she was. Setting up times that the two of you could spend together. Making her a priority in your busy life. Telling her that you enjoyed being in her presence.
Wanting to be physically close to her.
She enjoyed that there was a path of no resistance created in order for the two of you to grow close. The lines of communication appeared open and honest and so she jumped at this offer of this connection. She had been deceived before by such generous offers, but decided that you were trustworthy.
She was flattered that there was space created in your life for her, proudly announcing to your friends that you had met a strong and independent woman—one who spoke her truth but still held an open mind to other’s points of view. Time and again you admired her courage and determination to achieve her goals. She was pleasantly surprised the first time you referred to her as your girlfriend.
She enjoyed hearing the way that word just seemed to roll off your tongue, as naturally as could be.
She enjoyed the freedom that she felt in not being expected to tone down who she was. She never felt like she had to hide her whole self from you. You invited that from her and it was an offer she graciously accepted. Flaws and all, you wanted all of her. In fact, you quite often encouraged her to allow her true self to shine. You celebrated her successes and listened, asking questions when a plan did not turn out quite the way she had anticipated. She felt safe enough to dig deeper when you offered this openness to her.
And she did this willingly because she is not afraid to offer her gifts to the world, even though her heart has been hurt in the past.
This was never a one-way street though the more she saw you offering, the safer she felt to offer her gifts in return. Not material gifts such as roses or chocolate, but as a sounding board in which you could bounce your ideas off of, your hopes and dreams and aspirations that you shared with her, she would listen to with an open heart. She offered suggestions where she could, feeling encouraged because this was a true give and take.
The two of you often spoke of just how refreshing it was to finally connect with another in this manner. She felt like you were a gift from the universe. One that she wholeheartedly accepted.
All this in such a short period of time, you both reciprocated these thoughts back and forth.
And just as suddenly, everything changed.
She no longer felt like a priority in your life. She no longer felt that give and take. Then overnight, it all seemed to change.
She was not afraid to bring this conversation to the forefront; to her it is always important to speak her truth and it seemed that in the blink of an eye, everything that had built up in this relationship was being taken away. And it felt like a punch to the gut.
She was shocked and hurt and felt betrayed but she once again has learned something about herself and in the end that is what a relationship should offer; a chance to grow. So she is choosing to not be bitter, because now, standing outside the intensity that was the two of you, she can see things clearer without her rose-colored glasses.
She wants to thank you for what you have offered her, a deeper insight into herself that she will take as she moves forward. She will cry at what was, pick up the pieces of her broken heart and carry on, ready to offer her gifts to another.
So she is not angry that things did not work out. She is just disappointed that it turned out to be only another lesson for growth.
Author: Debbi Serafinchon
Image: Josh Felise/Unsplash
Editors: Renee Picard; Ashleigh Hitchcock