While having sex last night, I remembered that my sweet partner had chosen me above all other men.
I am not sure how many men there are on Earth, but it has to be somewhere around the number of fish in the sea, and if—even for a brief time—I am her anchovy, then I am a lucky fellow.
It seems that since she selected me from such a throng of possible suitors, I should show her a time like none of the rest of them could. So, I determined to do just that.
In the midst of our passionate love-making I reached for my iPhone. I know that is nothing new to any of you, because texting, monitoring Facebook and sending e-mails is a normal part of sex nowadays.
But instead of engaging in those mundane distractions, I surprised her. I opened my Tabata stopwatch app—the one I use to create a program for interval training on my bike—and instead, I programmed it for sex. I set it up for a minute of rest, two minutes of slow pumping for warm-up, then a minute of rest, then three minutes of fast pumping, then a minute of rest and then three minutes of frenetic, all out, wild pounding.
She topped out twice during the process, but I was still so focused on maintaining the exercise of it that I didn’t. I got up, wiped her down with a towel, had a bite of a protein bar, and began another round. After an hour and 11 minutes of this, I felt like I had been to Soul Cycle spin class, and I loved her more than ever—so, I think it worked.
Another new way.
Again, twisting round the theme of showing her a different and original time, I came up with another totally perverse, enjoyable and interesting idea.
I knew that she could find a fellow who would attempt to make her climax. So to be different, memorable and lovable, I decided to be another sort of fellow. Rather than trying to have her reach that special orgasmic state, when we made love, I brought her up close, up to the edge of that cliff and then backed off just a little.
After three months and four days of her nearly reaching orgasm but not quite, I discovered something very interesting. She wanted sex all the time, we had it in the bathroom at Starbucks, behind an oak tree in the park, at my grandmother’s 81st birthday party while eating birthday cake and in an airplane bathroom, simply because the cockpit door was locked.
In each of these different locations, I made sure to control myself—to please her just enough, but not all the way to the ultimate pleasure. It’s working; right now, as I type this, she is tugging at the sheets. It is Tuesday, a special day for us. Prohibition had people want booze, and denying her has her wanting me.
Yet another winning strategy.
In the vein of offering her more, better and different sex than any other sea bass or trout might, I decided not to let her touch my maleness. If she is going to touch me there she will have to earn it. It seemed that limiting vagina time has driven me to a frenzy: so why not limit her penis time too?
Except on Tuesday’s, she isn’t allowed to touch my penis or even see it. On all other days we make love in the dark: I make sure to at least keep my boxers on and never even strip to shower or bath when she is around. I don’t sit on the toilet in front of her or stroke myself while she is watching.
Instead, I play it shy.
And it turns out that denial really works. By the time Tremendous Tuesday comes around she is so looking forward to it that at midnight, as Monday turns to Tuesday, she is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, touching me all over the place: especially where it counts. Neither of us made it into work last Tuesday. Instead we had a full tilt penis day, remembering that there will be a whole week before she can see or touch the grand fella again.
Yes, all this is counter-intuitive and indicates that what is good for the goose is great for the gander. I invite you to step out of your usual sexual patterns, ruts and fetishes and try something new. I’ve never had better sex than I do now, and she hasn’t either.
We have begun talking about sex, something we never did before, and she has let me know that she is totally and completely satisfied. Opening the door to new ways of having and not having sex has brought fire, spice and inspiration to our bedroom, backyard and just about everywhere.
I have some other ideas I am going to try. I’m pondering moving the TV out of our bedroom, reading Pride and Prejudice to her while we make love, cutting porn time to two minutes a day and having my breasts enlarged.
I won’t do all of these, but I have to tell you that my sexual creativity has increased to such a degree that we are piranhas for each other, having a whale of a time.
Bonus: How to be together and still be independent:
Author: Jerry Stocking
Image: Flickr/Shan Shehan
Editor: Travis May