Anytime is the right time to ignite our sexual selves.
A great way to do so is to fill our bodies with sensations while quieting our minds. Our bodies know exactly what to do and are always searching for hot, wet, fiery intimacy. Our minds are too often cautious and careful, hesitant to let go and relax into pleasure.
If we experience embarrassment, anxiety or hesitation when it comes to touching, hugging or sex, we are thinking too many thoughts and worrying too much, while trusting and feeling too little. Yes, we need more feelings and these tips will lead us to the world of our sensations, beyond limitations.
A little fruit between friends.
The tropics lend themselves to full-bodied experiences. Just yesterday we were sitting on a balcony in Panama, basking in the sweet mountain air, surrounded by flowering trees and bushes eating papaya. I touched my fingers to the papaya, wetting them, then reached behind my bent knee with two fingers sliding them in and out. It felt for all the world like a vagina—and with a little imagination, I was even able to feel a cervix there.
“What are you smiling at?” asked my friend. “Umm,” I replied. Then I urged her to try it and we shared both sensations and frisky, intimate smiles.
Once the papaya meat was gone, we tried tucking the skins behind our knees, in the crook of our elbows under our arms and then beneath our necks with head resting downward, each position offered different sensations. Suddenly, without speaking a word, or thinking, our bodies naturally reached for each other and we did what comes naturally.
We don’t have to be in a tropical wonderland to have such experiences. Whether in a small apartment in the heart of New York City, a ranch in Northern California or a sleeping bag under the stars we bring with us the center of sensual sexual satisfaction on the planet—our bodies.
Everything is sex.
Sex and sensuality are everywhere. A few days ago, I was at a friend’s home for breakfast: a fruit compote followed by scrambled eggs positively full of garlic. As I downed the last bite, my host’s dog, a reddish lab, placed her head gently on my lap.
I began touching her head, forehead, muzzle, lips and gums with a very erotic, sensual touch, making pictures in my head of touching a woman. The dog’s eyes slowly closed, as we indulged the pleasure of connection.
The other people at the table weren’t overtly aware of what was taking place. But suddenly what had been an ordinary breakfast became much more. We were all in the presence of extreme pleasure and aware of it. We were turned on, and not by the fruit or the eggs, but by the ability to touch anything sexually. It was a hot, sexy and memorable breakfast. Sexual energy is contagious.
Later that day, as I typed, I realized that I could caress the keyboard with sensuality too. The tips of our fingers have so many nerve endings that they lead the way to incredible pleasure even while typing a blog, e-mail or term paper. When we are turned on creativity flows, time disappears and we are reminded that this is a pleasure planet.
Whether we are walking across a room, reaching for the salt, eating or standing in line at the grocery store we are deeply sexual and sensual beings. When we remember that everything becomes sexual play and we feel young, vital, desirable and new.
That sensual breakfast led to more of the same.
Later that day, I was speaking to a group of people about consciousness, love, romance and sensuality. As I was introducing an exercise that would have them fill their attention with feelings and silence their thoughts, I caressed the fabric of the couch with my left hand. The sensations of the smooth fabric raced through my body.
Throughout the rest of the talk I was highly aware of my sensations whether touching my hands together, stroking my knee or just feeling the sensations in my throat, neck and chest as I spoke. Speaking is erotic, what I said mattered less, and sharing pleasure effortless.
Out of my mouth came a seductive bedroom voice, and the audience responded. They softened, let the words caress them. But that wasn’t all. Sharing sensations led to more laughter, an experience of timelessness and connection. Three hours was up very quickly, and my talk was supposed to only be two hours.
Days later, I received texts and emails from the people who attended. They were shocked both by what a pleasure they had and how they continued to be influenced by those intimate hours we had together. We shared something special: deep physical pleasure, and we had great joy in the process.
Sensuality is often outside our attention, bringing it into attention results in being more grateful, happy and loving.
When we discover our sensuality things we do often like breathing, walking, talking or eating are sensual/sexual experiences urging us to admit that we are sexual beings, creatures of sensation. And this discovery has the most mundane task lead to vitality, good health and all sorts of other thrilling things associated with the flow of sexual energy: including tingling head to toe.
Don’t have sex too soon.
Whether having just met or after 30 years of marriage: don’t have sex too soon. Each time we have sex is an opportunity for the best sex ever. And to have that fine, memorable sex is to have intercourse once our mind has quieted and our body is on fire.
Whenever possible, don’t have sex unless you are very hot with sexual energy running high. Don’t use this as an excuse to have sex less often but to be turned on with sexual energy and sensuality turned up more often.
Incredible sex is a bit like a successful rain dance: it brings more of what we want into our life and reminds us that it really is up to us how much pleasure will fall all around us.
Don’t decide to have sex tonight. Instead, cultivate feelings and sensations that naturally lead to profound sex. Only have sex when you are so hot you absolutely have to have sex. The two tips above will assist in the process of heating up our sex drive and sexual energy.
Having sex when we aren’t hot—when we aren’t on fire—can be okay, but it will never be mind blowing. It can even lead to hum-drum, routine sex life.
Too many of us aren’t hot that often. But we can be. By living sensual/sexual lives we become continually ready for sex. This doesn’t mean that we need to have sex all the time, but it does make us walking, talking turned on, alive and alert people. And that is what we all want to be anyway. Sex isn’t something to do, it is the celebration of being who we are.
So many people, especially woman, experience pain while having sex. This may be because they aren’t living sex: they are engaging in sex like they wash the dishes, go for a run or as though it is one more thing on a “to do” list. Sex without sexual energy and sensuality isn’t worth having, it isn’t intimate and it places a burden on a partner that simply isn’t fair or wholesome.
Have sex often, and live in such a way that you want to. Live wet, hot and daring. It may take some practice, but start slowly. Pleasure begets pleasure, sensuality leads to even more sensuality. Whether you are currently having sex or not invite your sensual/sexual self out to play every moment of every day.
Author: Jerry Stocking
Editor: Travis May
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