It’s easy to get caught up in negative or pessimistic thinking when you’re single—whether it’s been a few days, a few weeks, or a few years.
Well, let’s be real here—it’s easy to get caught up in negative thinking at any time, in regards to just about anything.
When we look around, we see people posting on their social media pages about how fantastic their boyfriend/girlfriend is and their amazing date night. We see couples waltzing down the street holding hands. We’re breaking our backs shoveling, and we notice all our neighbors out in pairs.
We want to stamp our feet and yell, “Why?!” at the top of our lungs, like the six-year-old we saw at the grocery store last week, whose mom told him he couldn’t have a chocolate bar.
Yes, we could do that—and trust me, I have—but I’m starting to realize that life is a whole lot lighter and brighter when we look for ways to turn negatives into positives.
Sometimes, we just have to laugh at the world, circumstances, and ourselves—maniacally, should we so desire—because if we’re not laughing, we could very well find ourselves crying, and who the hell wants to cry when we could be laughing instead?
Society places so much emphasis on love and relationships that we can end up feeling incredibly left out, maybe even unworthy, when we find ourselves on our own—especially if we happen to stay single for a prolonged period of time.
So what can we do?
We’re going to think about all the sh*tty parts of having a romantic partner around. And it doesn’t have to be just the sh*tty parts you’ve personally experienced—you can also think of other people and other possible sh*tty things you might have to experience.
You read that right—don’t worry, you’re not going crazy.
Now, take those sh*tty things and flip them: Love that no one ever stands you up or leaves you waiting. Be grateful your husband doesn’t have “too sensitive of a stomach” to change the diapers of your triplets.
Go nuts—and then stick your list to the bathroom mirror or your bedroom wall, somewhere you’re going to see it on a daily basis, and keep it there as long as you need. You can even add to it if you think of something new.
Here is my list—what I love about being single—to help get you started:
1. I never have to tell someone to clean up after themselves. (The only exception is my children, and they get a free pass, because they’re still learning.)
2. I can stretch out and take up the whole damn bed if I want. (The dog and cat are rarely bed hogs.)
3. I never have to wait on someone.
4. No one ever stands me up. I never end up done up with no place to go.
5. No one finishes the milk and puts it back in the fridge empty. No one uses up the last of the shampoo without saying that we need more, and no one ever eats the last piece of my cheesecake.
6. There’s always toilet paper on the roll. (My kids might be weird, but they love changing the toilet paper roll.)
7. I never fall into the toilet at 3 a.m. because someone forgot to put the seat down—and I haven’t had to say “be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” in years. (My son, thank God, is going to be one of the most considerate husbands someday.)
8. I never have to share the TV or debate with someone over what movie we’re going to watch.
9. No one ever picks on me for having my nose stuck in a book, or for journaling when I should be talking to or paying attention to them.
10. I don’t have to tell someone 10 times to take the garbage out, or to clean up the dog sh*t in the backyard—if it needs to get done, it gets added to the “to-do” list, and dammit, it gets done.
11. I never have to re-fold the laundry because it didn’t get done to my specs.
12. I’m never stuck just playing one role. I’m mom, and I’m dad. I’m the maid, and I’m the handy man. I’m the plumber and the doctor. I’m the wish-granter and the cook. I’m the dishwasher and the adventurous parent. I get to change a million times a day, which makes life pretty friggin’ interesting.
13. I don’t find smelly socks under the bed when I vacuum.
14. I can eat ice cream right out of the container, and no one is the wiser.
This is not a life sentence. You will not be single forever, and it has nothing to do with you being unworthy or not enough.
Why not make the most of this time? Why not flip it into something positive, and treat it as an adventure in personal growth?
You’re discovering your own super powers, designing your dream world, and deciding what you’re willing to allow in your sacred self-made space.
Take some time to laugh—because before you know it, you might be finding dirty socks under the bed, because you’ve decided that someone is worth the minor inconvenience.
Author: Amanda Dobby
Image: Flickr/Esra Erben
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina