I know it’s hard to understand when a person who used to be so close becomes distant.
It’s hard when someone you hold dear begins to hold you at arms length. It’s heartbreaking to have someone who “used to be” in your life not care any more.
It makes one feel unloved and unwanted when their “used to be” changes—and leaves them behind.
Whether it matters to you or not, I want to state this simple truth: I didn’t change our relationship because I love you any less. I changed it because I’m loving me more.
As I have come to love myself more, there are certain things that no longer align with who I am becoming. Things of the past version of me no longer fit into the new and improved model, and I’ve had to make accommodations all around.
Before, I would accept one-sided relationships or those friends who I’d only speak to if I contacted them.
I would accept the occasional barbed comment and accept it as “that’s just who they are.”
I would ignore the judgment in their eyes simply because it reflected the judgment in my own.
I would find reasons, justifications, and excuses for bad behavior because I believed that love can be messy.
I’d keep coming back—hoping something would change.
What I’ve learned on my journey to self-love is that all of that was wrong. It took me some time to figure it out, but I realized that my view of relationships was warped by my lack of self-love.
I allowed it because I didn’t love myself enough to stop it.
But now, this new version of me loves myself too much to accept anything less than the amazing love I know is out there. Now, I have cultivated and reignited relationships that are a reflection of my own inner-worth.
These are the people who show up when I call. These are the friends who will happily come to support me in a venture, even after a long day at work. These are the people who call me and invite me to spend time with them. These are the people who love me enough to call me on my bullsh*t when necessary, but trust me enough to know my judgment is sound, even when they disagree.
These are people who believe love is a verb, and live it out daily. These are the people who, when in the presence of a threat, form a shield around you, physically and energetically, to keep you safe.
So please know that I never stopped loving you. I never will stop loving you. If I loved you once, I’ll love you always.
No, I don’t love you any less.
I just love me more.
Author: Lisa Vallejos
Editor: Lieselle Davidson