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May 25, 2017

The Difference between Being Sexy & Being Sexually Empowered.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been working with a new life coach to help me get out of my head and into my body.

I firmly believe that how we do one thing is how we do all things. And how we are in our bodies is how we are in our lives. In our minds, we are rational, analytical, practical. In our bodies we are intuitive, feeling.

I’ve lived most of my life disconnected from my body in a big way. I exist in my head—I’m overly analytical, overly anxious, and constantly worried about doing things wrong. I often think my facial expression shows my emotions, or my body is moving in a certain way, but when I catch myself in a mirror or on video, the reality couldn’t be more different. I’m actively working to get that bodily connection back.

One way I can tell if people live in their bodies and not in their heads, is if they exude a natural, empowered sexiness.

Empowered sexuality does not come easily to me. I’ve experienced sexual trauma—negative experiences, assault, and shame around my sexuality. I’ve had partners blame, shame, and leave me because of sexually transmitted infections.

Yeah, some people suck.

On our last call, my new coach asked me to stand up and show him “sensuality” through movement. I laughed to hide my discomfort and managed to move my hips ever so slightly in a circle, all while freaking out in my head. We watched the playback and it was the least sensual thing I’ve ever seen.

I discovered I have difficulty moving from my hips. I’m all arms and legs and shoulders. I can’t drop into my sexual centre—my core.

As women, we seem to often exist in one of two extremes. We either take up a lot of space from our masculine energies, being sexual in all that we do to prove a point, or we shy away from our bodies because we think we are unworthy of space, or are ashamed of our sexuality. There is a real beauty in people of all genders who live in their bodies, own their sexuality, and are empowered by it—not limited by it.

It’s easy to “do” sexy: to put on the face, the come-hither eyes, move your hips, and spit out a few raunchy pick-up lines. It’s a lot harder to own it: to allow your inherent sensuality and sexuality to come through without shame. To allow yourself to be sensual and sexy, and to step into that light, rather than shy away from it.

I spent the last half hour of the call just moving, and what came up was deep shame. I can tap into my sensual/sexual energy very quickly, but I’m afraid to own it. I don’t let it empower me, and I invite people to take advantage of this energy to prove my long-held belief that “I’m unloveable.”

I’m scared of my own light. But the work is to move—to connect to my inherent sensuality, to move from my hips, and to give zero f*cks about who it attracts because I’m empowered enough to say “no.” And “no” is a complete sentence.

At the end of the call, my coach looked at me through the screen and said, “Don’t be scared of your own light just because a few gross bugs are attracted to it.”

It’s time to let our sensuality shine.
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Author: Annabelle Blythe
Image: Author’s Own
Editor: Nicole Cameron

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