June 12, 2017

3 Tips for Breaking Up the Right Way.


As I’ve traveled down this road of life and my own spiritual growth, I have often caught myself questioning the roles of people in my life.

The more I walk forward, opening my heart and mind to so much more than just the physical world, my relationships with others shift.

I’ve felt guilt over the last few years for wanting—almost needing—to separate myself from some relationships. I’ve carried this internal battle for some time as I try to justify relationships that no longer feed my soul because of the memories they hold.

I’ve finally accepted that I have changed. I have come to realize that I crave different types of friendships and relationships now. Although it can be challenging to separate from what I’ve always known—it is time for me to be honest with myself.

I have decided that it’s time to look within, honor relationships and friendships for what they are and the importance they have had in my life, and move forward with my own evolution. After all, my relationship with myself is the one I must honor the most.

So, I’m slowly saying goodbye and thanking those people who meant so much to me and moving forward openly and compassionately so that I may nourish my being.

Breaking up isn’t just for boyfriends or girlfriends. It isn’t just for the romantically involved. Breaking up can happen in friendships, jobs, cities, and even with oneself—don’t roll your eyes yet!

Breakups have the stigma of being something negative. They are portrayed in our society as a failure. If we can’t make someone stay with us, then there must something wrong with us. Or, if we can’t stay with someone, then we’re always looking for greener grass. It makes us selfish or flawed. 

But you know what? I love my flaws, and my selfishness is self-care.

Throughout our lives, we grow and evolve. We learn more about ourselves and what we want. Our desires change as we live. I used to want—dreamfor an Audi TT. I used to tell myself that I wanted one by the age of 30. Safe to say that I’m 31, and I don’t own an Audi TT. In fact, I’m nowhere near owning an Audi, period. It’s also safe to say that along the way, I outgrew that desire.

I’d be much happier with a VW van or a camper that I can use to travel the country. I’d much rather live with the same five outfits and become rich in experience rather than in money.

As we change and develop, so do our relationships. Some relationships grow with us, on par, and others grow differently (or not at all).

The challenge at times, as humans living on this earth, is understanding that it’s okay to let go. Often times we allow attachment to hold us back in hopes that relationships will change, or people will move alongside us. When we take a step back and observe it from an unbiased perspective, we can make decisions from a place of compassion.

I’ve been in that part of my journey for some time. The guilt of walking away from years of friendship has held me back. But I then realized I don’t have to feel guilty. As long as I honor the people in my past and remain compassionate and grateful toward them, I can move forward from a different place.

Breaking up with a person, on any level of relationship, means we have taken the lessons that person has offered and can move forward understanding ourselves and the world a little bit better. If not, what do relationships provide us?

We learn from each other. And we learn from the mirrors we hold for one another.

Sometimes our dreams no longer match those of the person with us. Do we hold back from living a life that nourishes our soul, or do we lovingly accept that our time is up and go separate ways? It is a challenge to make that decision.

We can get caught up in the memories, the bond, the life that has been shared. It’s understandable, but if you are at a point where you are questioning the status of said relationship, you’ve already reached a crossroads.

Do you take the path that leads you to a stagnant stream, or do you risk it knowing that the trail will take you to a field of magic and flowing waterfalls?

Any relationship we question is a resistance to our growth. Any relationship that makes us feel less than we are is a defiance to our soul. We have souls beyond this third dimension, however, we must remember that this is our home and this is where our growth takes place—yet, we are not just growing this physical body and heart, but our spiritual one as well.

If we are faced with a relationship that is ready to be released—be brave in releasing it. It will be for the benefit of yourself and the other person involved.

When these relationships become something we are tied to like a job or a city, we must look within and ask if staying there is serving us. Our gut knows. Trust those intuitive vibes and trust the universe to guide you. Once we are brave in moving forward from a place of light, we are guided from all realms in a positive and loving way.

As we make these transitions, the relationship with our old self, the self that may have been judgmental, insecure, or angry, will begin to diminish. We shed energetic skin like we do physically after a sunburn. The part of us that is complete and no longer serves us falls away.

But if we hold the skin in place, afraid of the pain or ugly patches through the process, we will not allow the new skin to toughen. Allow the old to fall when it is ready so that we may expose the new.

Breaking up with someone or something is a bold move. It can be done with understanding and love when we speak from the heart instead of the ego.

Take a deep breath, and go on, and be bold—I dare you to.

If you find yourself ready to move forward from a relationship, here are three tips to help you in the process:

  1. Honor the person, place, or situation. When we take the time to honor and give thanks to a person or situation, we also honor ourselves. We attracted and accepted people and situations as a part of our journey because we needed to grow from it. Being able to detach from a place of compassion demonstrates that the growth has occurred and we are ready for the next step in our journey.
  2. Release guilt. This may be the most difficult step for me. Guilt can easily take over, especially when we’ve known the person for so many years. However, we must internalize what’s going on in our body and mind in relation to that relationship or situation. Guilt can stem from different parts, but ultimately it results in putting others before ourselves. When ready to release a relationship or job, visualize all parties involved happily and compassionately going their own way. Soul to soul, connect and thank them for the lessons, laughs, and good times. Then, imagine as each of you takes a step back, understanding this is part of your journey.
  3. Be grateful. Always be grateful for everyone who crosses your path. Gratitude opens us to receive more gifts from the universe and aligns our heart and soul. Taking a moment each day to be grateful for past, present, and future relationships coming to you allows you to move forward from a place of truth. Open your heart to gratitude and accept people’s roles in your life as part of your destiny.




Author: Fabiola Francisco
Image: Gonzalo Arnaiz/Unsplash
Editor: Taia Butler

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Fabiola Francisco