I’m done with empty promises.
The ones that sound like, “Someday, it will happen. Your time will come. Be patient. Hang in there. It will be okay.”
To most people, that’s all they long to hear in their most “trying moments.” I used to be one of those people. But in my current state of desperation, all I know is that painfully out of reach “will” is not right now, whatever is going to happen in the future, is not good enough.
I’m tired of astrology telling me the moon will make it better.
First, it was the new moon. Shifts are coming! Then the full moon. Do you feel it yet?! Then the blood, strawberry, and super-cala-fragilistic-moon will come to save the world.
Coming from the number one astrological enthusiast and moon-related-article-sharer on social media, coming from the most dedicated and stereotypical moon child, nighttime goddess, and number one advocate for all things Mama, I’m tired of all of it.
Because for the past sixth months, ungrounded has been my normal, I cannot catch my breath and I’m on the verge of my umpteenth breakdown, which no moon cycle can justify.
What am I missing? I feel like I slept through the day the moon distributed its offerings and I’m waiting on something that’s no longer here.
It is important to be hopeful, to anticipate miracles, to expect goodness, and believe something extraordinary is about to happen. In fact, it probably is! The fact that I’m writing this right now with mascara bleeding down my face and sitting upright are two examples right there.
But constantly being re-directed to future hopes bypasses the need to honor what is present, right now. It neglects the reality of what is.
And right now, what is, is constant uncertainty. Career changes. Housing changes. Family turmoil. Grief. Shadow work. Surrendering. Rebuilding. Surrendering again.
I consider it my personal mission to speak for the voiceless minority who don’t feel included in the positive changes and manifestations happening. I see you. I hear you, and I sure as heck feel you.
So many of us are working so hard to reap the physical and material benefits of the inner work we’re doing. I long to honor in you not only the light, but the dark, too. I would like to say that yes, I do know it will get better, that this is temporary, and right now, it’s so entirely not fun.
I don’t wish to say “keep on,” or gently guide you beyond the emotional seat you are sitting in right now. Maybe keeping on the trajectory you’re on is exactly what’s not working. If forward movement is not in the agenda today, okay. The movement will happen naturally upon your honoring what is needed right now, even if that is stillness. Or resistance. Or no-stance at all.
Whatever it is, whenever you lean more into it, I can imagine you’ll be moved more into you.
My inner child has been ragefully rebelling against all instruction lately, even if the encouragements have been to “keep the faith” or “believe good things are coming.”
What if I just can’t, right now?
I’m tired of hearing the same thing. And waiting. And longing. I need something smaller, more feasible. I need to be met right here, and that is where I will long to meet you.
I don’t wish to instruct you at all, on anything. I do not wish to presume I have the answers. I don’t wish to philosophize about the importance of dark serving as light’s counterpart, or wrap this up by claiming, “Life’s mess is life’s beauty.”
That may be, and it’s okay to want to kick the air, or punch a pillow, or scream for no reason at all. And for every reason you can imagine. Because there are plenty.
I’ll keep an ear out for your distant call and wish for you to know you’re not the only one yelling out for something.
Whatever it is, regardless, it will be good to hear from you.
Author: Paige Leigh
Image: Franca Gimenez/Flickr
Editor: Sara Kärpänen
Copy Editor: Emily Bartran
Social Editor: Khara-Jade Warren