What Men Really Think of Vaginas.

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Last night at dinner my girlfriend used the term “ingrown hair” and “vagina” in the same sentence.

Suddenly, the very rare (but crispy on the outside) beef patty and green salad on my plate didn’t look good. A small wave of nauseousness swept from my little toes to my head, finally stalling in my mind.

Please, don’t get me wrong. I know that it is politically correct for me to imagine that vaginas are beautiful things that I can’t get enough of. But at that moment (and not for the first time), I considered printing up a T-shirt that says “Please don’t show me your vagina.”

Somehow, wearing that T-shirt at the beach, the opera, or even back in my frisky high school years makes me feel safe and aligns with a deep, seldom-visited aspect of myself that really doesn’t find a vagina any more attractive than the open sore that it appears to be.

I, like most men, have spent much of my adult life worshiping at the shrine of vagina. I’ve hoodwinked myself into imagining that a woman’s genitals are some prize in the quiz show of life, and that I want to sneak a peek whenever possible. It’s hard to admit that I don’t really like the way they look, and that they appear to be unfinished.

So often, I find you hotter clothed, rather than naked.

I’m not saying that a penis is better looking—they are pretty weird looking things as well, and time spent at nude beaches hasn’t made me tempted to flaunt mine. I’m no prouder of my penis than I am of my big toe, or the little finger on my left hand, or either of my earlobes.

I think that when it comes to genitals, I have pretended to be much bolder than I really am. I don’t want bright lights on when I begin an expedition down south of your waist and north of your knees. I don’t hesitate to go there, because it feels good to both of us—but I do take off my reading glasses first, preferring braille.

Back in more wantonly randy years, I used to imagine that the more vaginas I saw…the better. But now, I want much more from you. I want laughter, both at the dinner table and in bed. I want the feel of the soft skin of your legs, forearms, and the nape of your neck. I want to like being with you—that gets me over the hump of how seeing your vagina affects me.

I’m not insensitive; I do know that this probably sounds wrong, immature, or off point—but, comparisons of vaginas to irises leaves me feeling flat. It has me overcoming what appears to be a natural aversion to a place I would rather visit with my eyes closed.

This could just be me, I know—but I don’t think it is. Caves of all kinds have bothered me for decades, ever since I got stuck in a limestone one when I was in my 20s. More recently, in New Zealand, I stumbled upon a 2.5 kilometer cave with no natural light at all. Fumbling around in there reminded me that spelunking isn’t my thing.

But I don’t think that “caving” is the root of my disinterest in looking closely at vaginas. Although I love sex—and I know vaginas (and even penises) aren’t necessary for the act—I really don’t view them as much more than accomplices on the way to pleasure. And I feel some freedom in finally admitting that.

Sure, some immature part of me still gets a thrill at seeing a new vagina, like forbidden fruit. But that part of me is too young at heart to enjoy the mature attraction over time that I want with you. That part of me is more likely to look, have its way with your flesh, and then wander off.

My son has an aversion to honey bees. Recently, he has been sitting by hives of them attempting to relieve himself of his nearly phobic response. He says it’s working.

I say that I’ve tried the same thing with vaginas, and every attempt I have made to stare them down—or shoot pictures of them, so I can look at them and try to consider them “artsy”—hasn’t worked.

I’ve heard guys pine about the beauty of vaginas—but there is a lilt in their voice, an insincerity in their tone. Even the most oblivious men will have to admit that it isn’t the anatomy of it that turns them on—it’s the forbiddenness. And every man I know has had experiences of attempting to please a vagina and blatantly failing, offering averse scary anchors.

If we really liked vaginas as much as we pretend we do, we would pay women more money than we do men, just to have vaginas around. We wouldn’t be so quick to get our penis out of our pants and into a vagina. We would tend to linger, which we don’t, and wile away hours on a lovely spring afternoon, summer evening, or curled up by the fireplace on a cold winter’s eve looking at your vagina.

Yet…we don’t.

Vaginas make us squeamish. They make us weak in the knees. They make us want to possess them without really ever examining them fully. We don’t want to hang out with them—we prefer your fair personality over your hot, wet flesh as much as we have been trained to pretend otherwise.

So please, don’t make falling in love with the appearance of your vagina a condition for hanging out with me. Trust me when I turn out the light or my attention is drawn to your eyes or our conversation—and away from the visuals associated with down there. Forgive me for not wanting to play doctor as badly as I once did, but for still wanting to have sex, possess you, and share incredible pleasure with you.

Please forgive me if I fixate on your hip bones, elbows, or that soft, virgin skin behind your knees, desiring every centimeter of your body equally.

Don’t make the cost of admission the pretense of adoration of that confusing place where the sun seldom shines. Don’t show me yours, and I won’t show you mine, but won’t you still be my valentine?

~

Relephant:

Vagina 101.

~

Author: Jerry Stocking
Image: 500px; Flickr/Ludo
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy editor: Emily Bartran
Social editor: Callie Rushton

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Yemi MommyInny-Ojo Nov 18, 2017 12:15pm

I love how honest this is and I quite understand your sentiments.if I were a man,I wouldn't want to examine a vagina too closely either except maybe I were a gynecologist. Lol

Alana Joy Jul 12, 2017 5:09pm

I think your title rather missed the mark. It seems more accurate to say "What One Man Really Think of Vaginas".

Dheeraj Singh Jul 8, 2017 3:00pm

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John Smith Jul 7, 2017 8:35am

True that!!

John Smith Jul 7, 2017 8:35am

Jerry Stocking

Lauren Rose Jul 6, 2017 11:57am

Jerry Stocking - No. Never said anything about your title being able to draw an interested audience; just capitalized on the inaccuracy of it. In fact it was your aptly titled article that initially drew my attention. However, upon actually reading it and becoming quite disgusted with your opinionated piece, I felt compelled to comment on the inadequacy of the title you chose.

Jerry Stocking Jul 6, 2017 12:52am

Exactly, and an idea might be to stop vaginalizing woman and appreciate them for who they really are, not just a body part.

Chuck Vermette Sr Jul 5, 2017 10:54pm

Disagree. To each his own. I don't want to get graphic. I do object to you speaking for "us".

Mark J. Ryan Jul 5, 2017 6:44pm

What? Only one sense talked about from Jerry? So many more distinctions should be included for the full experience to be considered. To me the cherry on top that brings the full experience all together is the Divine Vaginal Bouquet :-) You are a brave man to be talking about such things with this audience...lol

John Smith Jul 4, 2017 2:42am

The power of pussy..oops vaginas :-) Facinated men for, well since forever.

Jerry Stocking Jul 4, 2017 2:12am

Very observant: yes, I have "serious issues": I'm never serious enough...turns out lots of other people are willing to carry more than their share of serious.

Jerry Stocking Jul 4, 2017 1:32am

Do you think that title would receive more views?

Lauren Rose Jul 3, 2017 10:57pm

A more fitting title would be "What ONE man thinks of vaginas."

Malcolm Jackson Jul 3, 2017 8:42pm

Meh. This is not what all men think of vulvas, just one. Personally I find them captivating in oh so many ways.

Nicholas Smith Jul 3, 2017 7:22pm

I was about to say the same thing. The author has some serious issues here that do not reflect all mens thoughts, only his own.

Jerry Stocking Jul 3, 2017 10:17am

'Ridiculous" maybe, but ridicule is what minds do when they can't cope, it's not what hearts ever do, and doesn't offer much but a defense in the absence of offense. I did expect this sort of response, and here it is. Thank you.

Kimberly Ann Johnson Jul 3, 2017 5:33am

This is not what men think of vaginas, this is what you "sort of" think of vaginas. And it's ridiculous.

Jerry Stocking Jul 2, 2017 5:00pm

I hear you. And this blog doesn't represent my history with vagina's but an evolution of the reluctant aspects of my sensuality. I've spent long bouts with pleasure with fingers gently poised on the four compass points of a cervix, and in all sorts of explorations as my past blogs reveal. But to find new experiences often requires that we wander through the more puritanical aspects of ourselves. This blog represents a snap shot on the way to higher heights, honesty in the moment, and the path to deeper vagina appreciation. I never waste my time.

Jerry Stocking Jul 2, 2017 12:59pm

Yes!

Jerry Stocking Jul 2, 2017 12:52pm

Interesting viewpoint. Thanks. I held my daughters hand as she gave birth. So am truly moved by that association.

Anna Kelly Jul 2, 2017 11:36am

brilliant! Tx - let's be honest - penis is not a god of beauty either hahahaha but all the rest attached to it - can be soooo deliciously amazing to discover ;)

Riley Amor Jul 2, 2017 6:01am

This article is absolutely untrue for me. I love vulvas and love to linger with them. Wasted 3 minutes reading this.

Mariamma Jones Jul 2, 2017 4:40am

Maybe I missed it but you can start with education. For example, the vagina is the tubular part that the penis goes inside and the hairy outside part is actually called the vulva. The vagina is also called a birth canal. The headlining image on facebook was a drawing of the uterus, ovaries, broad ligament and other tubes and structures. Maybe if you were to use an uncommon word like birth canal, it might deminish the worshiping at a shrine part that obviously isn't helping you relate to females or sexual partners as people with occasional health issues.

Ronnie Bleakney Jul 2, 2017 2:22am

As grin-inducing as anything I have read

Veronica Danie Jul 1, 2017 6:59pm

Wild thing.... <3

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judson9

Jerry Stocking is a modern day Thoreau who left the fast paced world as a stock broker and moved to the woods. He now spends his time helping others, and himself, express their zest for life.

He lives his life with heart wide open on a 33 acre blueberry farm with two ponds and a peaceful pace. Often writing at 3 a.m., there are no social conventions here, just the pursuit of possibilities and unconditional love.

To find out more, take a peek at this “Getting the Joke.”, or read Jerry’s free e-book download his free e-book., visit his website
for some inspiration…