I don’t watch porn.
I don’t agree with the industry, but I don’t disagree with people who use it when it’s created in a consensual situation. To be fair, I’m sexually open, but perhaps more prude than the average person who’d write a piece making the comparison I’m about to make.
Although I don’t watch porn, I get why people do. There’s little sexier than seeing someone experience themselves in a pleasurable state. My kind of porn is watching people dance when they think no one’s watching. It’s a similar situation. True pleasure requires surrender—and surrender is sexy. I’m not talking surrender in some S&M way, I’m talking surrendering themselves to the experience of themselves.
If you watch someone surrender to their own pleasure with openness, it’s hard to not love them.
I was on a call with a few of my crazy crew doing a sensual jade-egg practice together and at one point, we were left to our own devices and guided to either sit with the energy we’d just created for ourselves or bring ourselves to orgasm. I thought about how many women on the call were letting themselves come in that moment and how empowered and sexy I felt to know they were letting themselves experience their own selves in a fulfilled way. I imagined light bodies jumping from their orgasmic state and I felt humbled that they trusted me to be in resonance with the power of their own pleasure. Their pleasure felt like my own and not in a sexual way. In my experience, pleasure leads us to our power. Power is all I could feel from tapping into all of the women who allowed themselves know themselves in this pleasurable state.
To be turned on sexually is one thing. To be turned on in life force is another. (And they certainly can and do go hand-in-hand, but this is not the point of the story.)
My platform unexpectedly, and basically overnight, surpassed any ideas I may have ever had about having a following in the first place. It basically happened out of thin air and honestly wasn’t something I was consciously “manifesting.” Since its conception, I’ve experienced a few people who really wanted to challenge my position. A position I never expected nor asked for the duty of, but I show up to every day, even when it felt like it would kill me.
As someone who really does seek to see everyone, honor everyone, and make everyone comfortable, I’ve been forced to grow some thick skin after brutal realizations that some people just want to hurt others. It doesn’t matter if it’s jealousy, resentment, or their projections of perceived attack on our part—some people just want to hurt us, and it’s not up to us to make them comfortable at the expense of ourselves.
I heard a story right around the time someone was out to dismantle the authority that I’d claimed that changed everything about the way I felt I should or could perceive the situation that, at one point, I wanted to fix for their sake, and not for mine.
If a fisherman puts crabs into a bucket, there will inevitably be the strongest one who can, in ability, get out. But what happens is that the crabs who aren’t as strong grab onto her attempts of escape, and pull her back down into imprisonment.
This is what it felt like was happening with me the moment I was given an opportunity for more power in my life. A hater felt the urge to insidiously pull me down from the bucket we are all, as women and humans, trying to escape from. The bucket of “not enoughness.”
When we get what we want, it turns us on, spiritually speaking. It’s a God wink providing us with the proof that if we surrender to trust, we’ll be given our pleasure. That is a body that’s both open and fulfilled. And a body that is both open and fulfilled, is turned on.
We know that to see (or imagine) someone else be turned on, sexually can turn us on, so why then when our friend buys the $500,000 house we think is never going to happen for us, do we turn ourselves off, rather than be turned on by them getting what they wanted?
Why, when the guy we used to date is clearly and utterly happy, do we shut ourselves off from finding pleasure in his pleasure? Why do we deflate in the face of someone else receiving what they want if we want it too?
When we do, we’re perceiving ourselves as the crabs looking up to the strongest and energetically speaking, secretly tying invisible ropes to his or her legs and pulling them back down to our perceived sense of not enoughness. “If I can’t be enough, neither can you,” becomes the motto.
Watching someone else get what they want should turn us on.
Listen, I get it. I’m a guilty of exactly what I’m talking about here, but I also have a knack for suspending judgment enough to look at these situations in a higher way.
A crab getting out of a bucket is proof that a crab can get out of the bucket. Inevitably, if left in the bucket long enough, there will be a second and third strongest that follow suit. Maybe even until the weight of all of the crabs trying to get out is great enough to tip the bucket and release them all from ending up on a dinner plate.
Imagine what our life would be like if every time we saw someone else get what we believe we want, we dropped an energetic gold coin into our psychic bank account that ensured us that the witnessing of them receiving their desires, is proof that we are that much closer to receiving ours because we stay in a position of openness to receive rather than closing ourselves off from the people who have the things we want.
I understand jealousy, and I also understand receivership.
Jealousy closes us off, not even necessarily from what we want, but from enjoying what we already have, and the things we get when the future-wants do come. Jealousy is like watching porn and refusing to touch yourself.
Watching someone receive their desires is an invitation to turn yourself on by their receivership. When we tap into the power of receivership itself by the witnessing of them, we are given an enhanced power for receiving ourselves.
When we’re the crabs, silently resentful for the things we perceive we cannot be, do, or have, or we perceive it’s too late, we’re too fat, too whatever that always fall in the vein of not enoughness, the bucket is our prison, when to the strongest of us, the bucket is an obstacle course that leads to freedom.
You are stronger than you can ever imagine. Witnessing the strength in others who surrender to getting what they want and feeling turned on to be their cheerleader saying, “Get it, girl! F*ck yeah!” is the ticket to staying open—and to be open, is to receive.
Your pleasure is your power. Their pleasure is, also, your power.
Author: Stacy Hoch
Editor: Taia Butler
Copy Editor: Catherine Monkman
Social Editor: Danielle Beutell