Her heart…

My heart is a heart that has run
sensed danger 
sensed love
sensed freedom
been triggered 
by fear
this heart
my heart
she turned tail and ran 
disappeared 
back down the road from where we had come 

My heart is a heart that has fought 
resisted closeness 
punched back at her progress 
sabotaged her freedom 
and gone 12 rounds in the ring 
with herself

My heart is a heart that’s been frozen
seized up in the cold 
curled up to be smaller 
shut her windows
and locked all her doors
hiding 
protecting
hibernating 
preservation of self

You see 
my heart is a heart 
that protects herself fiercely

Because she knows she is sacred and worth protecting

She has learned which battles to walk into 
and which mountains can wait to be climbed
in all ways this heart has done what was needed 
because she knows she is sacred and worth protecting

One day she found her shape shifted
forever changed
for bearing the scars of the past
but after blood sweat and tears
she also found who she was 
yes my heart is a heart that still shines

And after fight flight and freeze 
she found stillness
and in her stillness 
she also found ease
she found that there still remained softness
translucence
she knew
there would always be light shining through

With the light it was clear there was beauty 
on either side and the space in between 
she saw space 
where before there was stuckness
now was the pause 
it indicated the unfinished-ness of things

In that moment she saw she had strength 
she stood tall in the face of her fears
smiling at the current 
watching 
unflinchingly
as it flowed neatly around
and over all of the shapes she was now

She revelled in the way her edges played with the sunbeams
glowed as they bounced and glinted off her curves
this was a joy she would never have known 
with a shape that had not been her own

Yes
my heart is a heart that has broken
she’s been run dry, knocked over and bruised 
but I am proud of the weight that she carries 
and just as proud 
of the weight she’s put down 

In her strength to let in and let go 
in her unwavering commitment to feel 
she has countless times carried on
she even carried your broken heart in her own 
until it was strong in the face of life’s storms

Yes, my heart is a heart that’s been broken
but god damn 
now do you see how she shines?