I’ve been feeling this post for quite some time… but it’s a touchy one & so I’ve been waging war on whether to write out my feels
So, before I get started I wanna first say some of our circumstances we cannot control, some of our hustle is absolutely necessary and my intent for this is to empower mommas to step into a fierce bosslady boundary and begin to fiercely advocate for your 830-5.
My intent is to not “mom shame” so do not lift up your eyes after this post and take on anything but a new outlook: mine.
Take what you want, leave what doesn’t serve you & know I think bosslady mommas are legit some of the strongest humans I know.
So, now that I covered that : I’m going to dig into discomfort & hope it kicks our shattering glass ceilings up a notch while offering a new way to shatter it complexively. (I made up that word, so there’s that)
I recently was reading “Girl Wash Your Face” – I was digging the first few chapters and than was for real struggling through one. So, I chose to re read over and over to see what was really feeling off about it for me.
She talks about being a successful woman & that she wants her children to see that a man is not the only one who can fully support a family financially and that mirrors hard work ethic, late nights, trips and being a fierce boss (totally get this- yes, go women!!)
She talks about mom shame and that she is a momma that doesn’t do much with school activities, pick up or drop off, and that she is over the mom shame and doesn’t like most of those activities anyways. She is cool with the fact she is all over the place hustling and not with her kids because of her business because they are seeing momma shatter glass ceilings.
I get this, realize every persons journey and lifestyle is different- honor that, but I also think we as women can do better at re enforcing our roles within business and mom life.
My truth is necessary before I continue. I have absolutely hustled to be where I am: late nights, missed field trips, never been the room parent, little man has been in daycare or with a sitter very very early in his life because I had to make ends meet and get our lives stable. He has at times been last to be picked up and first to be dropped off. He’s had to come to work with me or go to school with a cough and nasty runny nose. I’ve taken him back to school to soon because of lack of PTO or getting too behind at work. I’ve had late nights many nights a month and I’ve sat in many waitressing shifts after them or before them and bawled and screamed in my car knowing I’m missing out on precious time but I had no choice.
As a single momma who legit had him with no flat income, a drastic change in my life & a move abruptly due to toxicity : I get the hustle that is necessary to provide for your family.
At one point, I was working from 5pm until 2 am- pumping at a bar halfway through shift, and coming home right in time for his bed time feeding, catching two hours of sleep and would not nap again until he would nap during the day.
So, I get it.
But I do not think we have to choose – whether we are bossladys and whether we are mothers.
We can be both: but we must set boundaries, realize our worth, and ask for what we need (Make our lives priorities not a second option)
If you have asked me to coffee or to meet or to chat: you’ve realized I heavily and fiercely utilize my 830-5.
My 830-5 has become alll da things. If I have a few moments: you get a call. We grab coffee during my lunch breaks & we catch up via phone or text after my human begins dreaming for the night & besides that I’m investing in work, during work hours, and am sacredly investing in my family during any other moment after that .
Yes, I have some nights that I work and obviously with my schedule my child spends more time at school than most : but the second I get him: it’s US.
I think sometimes as women we don’t negotiate or speak in a way that a bosslady should: we take up any and all opportunities because we fear that we will lose, fail, not rise up or be replaced.
We know we are beyond good at what we do: we know we are intelligent, wise, we hustle for where we are at & we have the heart for it.
So why don’t we say:
“You know what that time doesn’t work for me… actually only available from 830-5.”
“This is actually a priority in my schedule so if you can’t do this time we will need to find another time that works”
“Weekends actually don’t work for me … my schedule is booked.”
Instead of saying yes all of the time why don’t we step all the way into our bosslady and give our schedule instead of say “whatever works for you.”
I have sat in so many assessments where even in to adulthood they disclose that they rarely saw their parent/parents and that “I understand why now …” but that it still has hurt their hearts and caused their bond with their parent to be strained.
Than they continue to say that they now choose to be present.
Our kiddos our sacred. Our time with them is sacred & yes they can still see momma rise and grind and freaking be a boss lady all while seeing that above all else : family is the most prioritized and epic reminder on the calendar.
At the end of life I don’t want on my tombstone : Best social worker EVA.
I want something like : Woman that loved her family and was present in their lives, fiercely loved women, an advocate for truth-telling and resilience & a woman that stepped into her journey to better radiate the light for others.
We are radical women: take ownership of your schedules, your lives and your ability to be present in all areas.
Our relationships are so important.
We must be giving women, especially single mommas, opportunities to work jobs with salary’s and above minimum wage jobs so that we offer them the ability to be more present with their children and not hustle so much that they are so focused on paying bills and keeping the lights on that they cannot soak in all the most necessary time that they are worthy of with their children.
When women become bosssladys & take ownership of a schedule that honors family time, bonding & being present in their intimate lives : the entire world benefits.
Right now if you are in the hustle, stepping into entrepreneurship or trying to get settled after a tragedy or abrupt shift you weren’t expected : get creative, stay up after kiddo goes to bed, utilize daycare or school hours, and realize yes their is a hustle but you also are worthy of creating a life that serves you so that you can be with your family & invest in your kid/kiddos bomb lives.
Don’t just try to pick up the 5th job, or hustle for the next thing that takes all of the hours and days just to prove to the world that you can be a successful woman.
No, no no.
You show the world that you are a successful woman and a bomb mother : your time is sacred, your talents are worthy of paying money for & that your schedule is limited : because you are a woman that wants to give your all in every area : & one of those areas is coming home, taking off your heels, putting on the sweats and diving into your kiddos homework, bedtime stories, and their extra curricular activities & investing in their souls : so they can go out and Be beautiful humans.
The Soul Grind