The untrained mind is a pretty unruly place, at least mine is… here though, surrounded by silence and space, I have the opportunity to notice its shenanigans at a heightened level. It’s comical. On the first day thoughts of “I don’t think I like that person very much,” “That girl is sweet,” and “That human is _____” scroll through my mind, which is hilarious considering I don’t know a thing about any of them.

Eye contact, gestures, communication of any kind towards other students is off limits. We’re advised to keep our eyes pointed towards the ground. I watch the feet go by. Big ones, little ones, clean ones, dirty ones, all attached to the bodies of people I can’t see. Stop looking at their feet silly, direct your attention inward. I constantly remind myself that I’m here to observe the inside of things, while my ego-led mind tries desperately to pass judgement and dramatize reality, which is nothing new, it is just doing what it always does, what I’ve allowed.

We wake up at 4 a.m., meditate for two hours, have breakfast and then meditate for three more. Lunch is at 11 a.m. and then we have the longest meditation block of the day– four hours. For the new students there is a snack at 5 p.m. but returning students don’t eat past noon. Thank god I’m a new student. By lights out at 9:30 p.m. my stomach is conversating in full grumble. Sometimes I’ll hear a package rustle from the cell next to mine. I’m convinced my neighbor has some monumentally delicious snack and she’s not sharing… I’m disappointed that she doesn’t offer me any of said mystery treats, but there’s no point in thinking about it so I let it go and fall asleep.

To some it may sound like prison… at times it bordered on that, but it also felt like the only real vacation I’ve ever had. I’d choose this over laying on the beach any day.

We’d spend the first three days directing all of our attention toward the subtle sensations that result from the inhale and exhale within and below our nostrils. For hours upon hours I feel no sensations whatsoever. So I imagine that they’re there and tell myself they’ll come.

By day two I’m sinking into the meditations a bit deeper, but my ego gets the better of me. I soon find myself in the midst of yet another series of unfolding thoughts: “Wow I’m getting the hang of this,” which leads to, “Hmmm I wonder if there are any meditation competitions out there– maybe I could create an app…” Yep, definitely lost sight of the point once again.

It’s on day four that I finally begin to feel the sensations from the inhale and exhale on my upper lip, but it is time to move on. This is the day that we begin vipassana meditation. Well what the heck were we doing before I wonder. Without spoiling the goods, I’ll just say that the meditation technique progressed from the sensations around the nostrils to one that includes those throughout the entire body.

By day five I experience something of a breakthrough. S. N. Goenka’s voice rolled over the loudspeaker “Aniccaaaaa… Anicca… Anicca” (Impermanence, Impermanence, Impermanence) signaling the end of an hour long sit. My eyelids gently peel open to a dimly lit hall full of meditators seated in pristine silence. I managed to sit for the entire hour without taking a peek at the clock– I barely moved an inch this time. My body hurts all over, my legs are slightly numb and I’m not sure if I’m even capable of standing up, yet my face is overtaken by an ecstatic grin.

“Woo hoo, that was a good one” pours forth emphatically from the lungs of my inner voice. I want to jump up and down and celebrate the progress, to tell everyone that I did it, I didn’t move this time, I sat through the pain and it actually went away. I don’t think this is what Goenka meant by ‘equanimity,’ but hey, it’s a step. As I gaze at the back of the heads of the other meditators, “We are the champions, my friends…” begins playing in my mind.

Musical theme songs were a regular occurrence throughout my time there. When I’d begin feeling too sure of myself Carly Simon would start singing “You’re so vain,” and upon preparing for one of the longer sits “Are you ready to rumble” would erupt with a strong dance beat. Towards the end of the 10 days, “It’s the final countdown” with all of its shrieking hair metal glory was in frequent mental rotation.

As the days went on my level of peace increased exponentially. Smells, colors and sounds all took on a level of incomparable vibrancy that I’d never before experienced. Though this is only the first step into a practice that I intend to continue exploring, probably for the duration of my time on this planet, the results are palpable in every area of my life since.

Food for thought for those who want to embark on vipassana, which I encourage everyone to try at least once: You do not need to have a strong meditation practice to begin. Though ten days may seem like a lot, it’s really not. While in the course, avoid thoughts regarding how much time you have left there, this practice will keep you in the present moment if you let it. Before going in, try to avoid building up ideas concerning what it will be like or thoughts of what a challenge it’s going to be, just show up with all of your humanness, a willingness to explore the interior and above all, compassion. Compassion for yourself on this journey, sometimes you may experience heightened levels of elation and sometimes you may experience the opposite, observe them both from the distant perspective of the witness.