There are lots of articles and infographics on how to deal with depression. And 99.8% of them contain the same typical set of advice, that looks something like this:

• socialize
• exercise
• work on your goals
• get comfortable with being alone
• improve your skills

Despite the lack of originality of these tips, they are indeed very effective. However, in many cases, a depressed person has no motivation to go to any of them. That is why if you want your friend to follow the aforementioned guidelines, it is a good idea to apply alternative tactics first. The ones that people rarely talk about, and the ones s/he might actually listen to. Although, the process will most likely require your presence. It is almost like holding hair of someone, who is in the process of vomiting. But the biggest difference is that you will both have a lot of fun.

Watch “Yes, man” together

Unfortunately, the Oscar doesn’t have nominations for the best movie idea and the most anti-depressant movie. But if it had, the director and the screenwriters of Yes Man would’ve undoubtedly received both of them. If you haven’t seen the film, the best company you can have for watching it is your depressed friend. It is very important not only to get the straightforward message of the movie but also apply (the keyword is “apply”!) this methodology to both of your lives for some time. Eventually, what you will get is a set of undeniable proofs that life has the ability to suddenly become intriguing and at some point literally unbelievable. Once you and your friend had this experience, you won’t be able to lie to yourself, nor forget about the fact that life is a truly fascinating phenomenon.

Note: it will not work if you live this way at least a good couple of weeks.

Write a bucketlist

Have you ever dated a bit overweight partner who you wanted to get in a better physical shape? If you tell that person “You became fat. You should hit the gym and start doing at least 70 jump and jacks every morning”, you are very likely to receive an aggressive reaction. Because:

A. You acknowledge the weakness

B. You are making it clear that you are not satisfied with it

C. You are telling that person what to do

But if you want to be successful at asking (yes, it is still the same article), you have to apply a different strategy. You’ve got to tell them you can’t get in the shape by yourself, and you need a support of your partner who will work alongside with you. That you need a reliable climber buddy who can assist you to get to the top of the unknown mountain. The same approach will work even more likely if the topic is dedicated to writing a list of what you want or always wanted. Here is how you offer to do it:

• you present brief guidelines: the objective is to write down all wishes you can think of, and divide them down into different “how much time it will take” categories.

• you both pick a day when you meet and read the goals you want to share. No one is obliged to read the whole list.

Explain to your friend the necessity of this information while suggesting this idea. For instance, if one of your wishes is to see a fox and your friend will find a forest with a bunch of foxes, he will have great news for you. You, on the other hand, will also have the ability to do the same for your friend, depending on his goals. That way you will both double the chances of making some of your dreams come true. Which will make everyone a bit happier.

“An undercover cop’s gotta be Marlon Brando, right?”

If this line doesn’t associate with your memories of a Reservoir Dogs by Quentin Tarantino – shame on you. Spoilers are in the following sentence. That interesting and believable story Mr. Orange told Mr. White, Joe Cabot and his son Eddie before the robbery played a huge role in gaining a lot of trust of gang members. As a result, he successfully became a part of that infamous robbery operation. The following story will help your friend to see the world from a little bit of less depressive perspective. Sure, you can tell your friend that you’ve read the story in the article. But you shouldn’t. Since he will trust you a lot more than some internet source. Don’t beat yourself up over the white lie that can save your friend’s life. Mr. Orange had a funny drug story. You can have a story about an ex-depressed person:

“I used to see this guy couple of times on the bus stop back in the day. He had cheekbones like Peter Weller, a guy who played the first Robocop in 1987. He always wore headphones and looked tremendously unmotivated and depressed. I haven’t seen him for 8 months until I bumped into him in the check out the line of some mall. This time he was smiling and I was a bit confused to see him in this mood. His trolley was packed with strawberries, lettuce and bunch of different sauces. There were like 6 people in front of us. I was hesitating to talk to the guy. But when there was only one lady left in the line I finally decided to speak with him:

-Hey, I remember you as a guy who I used to see on the bus stop. I’m very curious, why do you buy this weird combination of food?

-Oh, man. I remember you too! You see, I was so depressed back in the day…

We were interrupted as he was next in the line, but he looked like he wanted to tell a story. I was intrigued, so he waited for me. He told me this:

-I came to the conclusion that if I don’t want to be depressed – my life should have a plenty of diversity. It basically saved my life. One day I decided to get up 1 hour early and walk instead of driving that bus. I liked it, and I began to walk that distance every day. Some other day I came up to a fisher and asked to swim across the river with him on his boat. So we did. A day later I began to look for a biker who could pick me up. It took me 4 attempts in like a month before someone agreed. And as we were driving across this bridge I realized, that diversity is exactly what I missed in my life this whole time. I began to apply this tactic to my other activities, and in most cases, it was worth it! There were times when it didn’t, but it led to some hilarious stories. It maintains my life interesting.

I haven’t seen him ever since. Lately, I’ve been thinking about his words, and I want to try these methods out with someone. Let’s start with having some lobsters and bananas at the movie theater and adding some more unusual plans to our schedule for a day. What do you say?”

Note: if your friend doesn’t have a strong desire to recover from depression, he will not cope with this task alone. Furthermore, he won’t even start.

What to say after some progress

At some point, your friend will notice the amount of positive impact that you’ve brought to his life. He will definitely thank you for your unobtrusive support. Usually, people show this type of appreciation with a smile on their faces. Nevertheless, it is the best and the most perfect moment to make a very serious and extremely important statement. You have to tell that despite your willingness to show up anytime and help out, he is on his own. It is up to the person who is struggling with depression to learn how to deal with it without anyone’s help. As a friend, the best thing you can do is to be an example yourself, the example that shows that life is worth trying to figure it out. And once your friend wins his first battle against depression, he will now look at the tips of the very first paragraph from another perspective.

P. S. If you feel like your friend is not ready for any actions, make sure to check out how to start a conversation properly

I’m Zack. You can always find mr on Twitter @zackhargrovejr. If I follow you back, it means I would bring you a kitty as a birthday present. If you you get anxiety from college formalities, my colleagues from bookwormhub.com will help you out. Thanks and take care.