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December 18, 2018

You are not enough and what you can do about it.

Where you are is not who you are, what you do with where you are is who you are.
~Neelam Tewar

At least once a week some guru or thought leader motivates folks to step out of the fear of not feeling “enough” by lobbing out a pithy, preachy one-liner: “I am Enough”, which at best gives a moment’s worth of relief to a reader and unfortunately, that is all it does.

It saddens me.

I may have rolled my eyes on occasion at the self-help industry for promoting, thoughts without depth and new-agey motivational hooks. I am not saying that human will and grit cannot overcome challenges and often, unthinkable atrocities.

Our limiting beliefs often can get in the way of our dreams and our human, spiritual, emotional and physical potential; and we may need to put ourselves in check — reach for something to bring us relief, guidance and even, hope.

Sometimes motivational quotes and memes don’t lean into the cut, the wound that someone might be going through and are inevitably prescribing, a band-aid instead of surgery.

I believe, if we feel we are not enough. We probably are not.

Does that mean we won’t ever be? NO. Of course not.

I can recount situations where I’ve felt, heck I knew I wasn’t enough, not because I wasn’t capable of learning or supplicating my mind to “believing in myself” but because in THAT moment for where I WAS and where wanted to BE:

I just simply lacked a certain skill, experience, spiritual expansion, will and tenacity.

In that moment. That is all it was.

I think it’s super OK to feel like we are NOT enough and that does not mean I’m advocating for mediocrity. I think we must know our starting point fully, for us to be able to chart a path to match the destination we’re after.

If anything, the fractured, incomplete parts of ourselves once resolved and brought to light can help others — perhaps, they become the most potent of our gifts.

So what can one do when they know they are not enough, here are three ways of being the have helped me not only stay with my emotions, stories, trauma, wounds and create from a place of healing:

  1. Be fully present to your feelings:
    If you feel scared or know the task at hand is something you are not cut for, acknowledge it. Dig deeper into how that feels for you:

    1. What are the labels, titles are you are assigning to yourself?
    2. What previous stories of “failure” are showing up for you?
    3. Why do you feel that you are not quite there yet?
    4. Have you been comparing your journey with someone else’s?
    5. Are you being fully transparent with yourself?
  2. Come from a place of willingness to learn:
    When we don’t judge ourselves, we are more pliable to opening our hearts and minds. I can tell you that wanting to create, move forward, go from point A to point B needs this one essential ingredient, opening up to possibility:

    1. What do you think you are being called to clear, heal?
    2. Where do you feel like you have made yourself absent, to yourself?
    3. What do you think are some essential skill sets you need to develop?
    4. Where have you not fully sat with your heart?
    5. Is there inner child trauma you are still holding on to?
  3. Create onward movement
    With the above two steps, you are stepping in to an act of analysing yourself and how you have been showing up; our choices determine our reality, so the only real question now is:

    1. What is one step, you can take to move in the direction of where you want to be? Just one.

In the work I do, I meet entrepreneurs, creative souls, artists, authors and I can tell you that with each and every one of them, no change can happen without the desire to put in the work. We’re living in the age of insta-fame, followers, likes, emoticons leading to a rise in self-obsession and narcissism.

It is lost on us that showing up as we want to be perceived also requires us to BE that. To learn and work relentlessly to who we want to become.

I’ll leave you with a few words to soothe and hopefully, swiftly bring you into action

“I am not enough. I don’t quite feel enough right now. I am not where I want to be. And I am fully taking responsibility for where I am in my life, my human journey.

I’m open to learning, understanding and practicing kindness with myself so I can create, and bring into reality the life that feels a bit out of reach for me.

And to that extent, I am willing to invest my time, energy and resources to get to that place. I look forward to being enough, soon.”

Remember, any kind of rejection toward ourself, is a rejection of the whole.

And by the state of things on the planet, we need each and every one of us to #elevate and help humanity rise.

I trust and know you’ll do your bit.

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