Recently, I have been asked quite frequently, “What can I do to help?” in regards to anxiety and other mental health issues. Many people are asking because they have never experienced the throes of mental problems and do not have any idea what to do for a friend or loved one, but they desperately want to. I commend them. First and foremost, for being accepting of the different issues, some don’t even make it that far. The willingness to help is really the most meaningful thing a person can do. Hold that space.

Unfortunately, there is no blanket issue covering all problems, illnesses etc. so there can be no catch-all, fix-all, help-all. Damn, do I wish there was! We do not all experience the same things, hell we barely encounter the same things each time within our own experiences. Similarly, there is no one thing that always works to help us. So what I am going to do is tell you a few things that happen to the person experiencing the issue so you can grasp some of the depth. And then I am going to detail some of the possible things you may be able to do to help.

The very next most helpful and important thing you can do, after accepting what is happening, is to talk to your friend or loved one about their needs. Creating a safe space for the discussion, where someone like myself can trust telling you what is happening, and what we need, can come in-hand during the heat of battle against our own minds. It also allows us to deal with and accept what is happening as well. The shroud of secrecy on these topics only further alienates those that suffer. Alone.

Now during an attack or episode is not the time to communicate about this topic in detail. It is also not recommended to force the conversation. One thing you HAVE to let go of is that we can be “fixed”, so give that up right away. You should also relieve yourself of the delusion that you can control any part of what is happening while you are at it. Open up the possibility for us to communicate, (and then hang the hell on) then listen and help if you can.

Some things (no this is not a complete list) that a person suffering from anxiety may feel, experience, exhibit, succumb to, are as follows, sometimes several at once, sometimes more…in no specific order, or extremity of experience:

Shortness of breath

Trembling

Rapid heart rate, feeling as extreme as a heart attack

Loud humming, pounding, static or ringing in ears

Inability to focus

Cheek chewing

Knuckle/joint cracking

Lack of eye contact

Hair pulling

Exhaustion

Leg shaking or tapping

Hiding, canceling plans, avoiding people, crowds, etc.

Losing track of time, minutes feeling like hours

Detachment

Change in pitch of the voice

Clenching fists

Overheating, sweating

Uncontrollable panic, sometimes towards something that does not exist

Lightheaded, dizzy

Choking

Grasping neck or head

Burning sensation on the skin

Weakness in joints

Paleness, flushed face

Feeling sheer terror that you are going to die

Stomach cramping, IBS, vomiting

Sounds like the side effects of the worst meds ever doesn’t it? Unfortunately, they can all be in one day. Imagine when they strike all at once. It can be debilitating, to say the least. Now, herein lies the struggle for those who want to help… which thing(s) is the person dealing with and what types of things can be helpful and/or hurtful? Again, not a fix-all list, merely suggestions to discuss with the person suffering. Together you can find some things that work, maybe not all, all of the time, but at least a few to rely on from time to time.

Medication and therapy – let them know there is no shame in seeking help, drive them, go with them, just do not force them (unless there is potential for harm.)

Having them breathe with you, long slow controlled breaths. Even holding breaths for a few seconds before releasing. Sometimes it feels like the air in our lungs is the only thing we have any control over. Get in unison and slow things down.

Reassure them that they are safe if you are not in a place that feels that way get them somewhere that is.

Do not say things like “just stop” “calm down” “you’re overreacting” – never in the history of it has this worked.

Find out if there are safe endorphin release triggers that snap them into the real present moment. For example, putting my hands in cold water sometimes helps, or drinking ice cold water.

Get them cooled off, fresh air or AC, as long as it’s cooling them.

Oils such as lavender, citrus, peppermint, and frankincense (or other personal picks).

Relaxing or happy music, this is a proven perfect choice, click here.

Chamomile or other calming teas.

Exercise, go for a walk in nature, pound on a heavyweight bag.

Give it time, 20-30 minutes is the average time in panic. Could be more or less, so go with what they are doing, feeling.

Be mindful of eating, sometimes hunger can trigger an attack. That can be tough for some of us to monitor because of the lack of feeling hungry.

Meditation can help control the mind and constructively gather thoughts that aid in overcoming. Prayer works too if it fits the person.

Have them lie on the floor and rest their legs up the wall. Allows the racing heart to rest a bit not having to pump so much through the legs.

Work on grounding exercises: 5,4,3,2,1 of the senses. 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you smell, one thing you taste, as an example.

Find a way, any way to make them laugh. They might not actually laugh, but the feeling will help.

Get quiet.

Have them write, paint, dance or any other artistic outlet they are inclined to do. Even if starts as scribbles or a mess, the focus will begin to shift.

If they want to be close, hold them. Massage the tension in neck and shoulders.

Again, most importantly is your desire to help. That alone speaks volumes! Stay. Be a safe harbor. Discuss things that help, and don’t get offended if something you tried ends up not working. We know you are only trying to help, but if it is not helping, we need to know we can say that too. There is no guide book or play strategies that will always work, but the attempt at some of these may do the trick. They may also just open a line of discussion and that is okay too.

Communicate and be compassionate. I hope these help, I am here for ya! I would love to hear anything else that works for you or a loved one. Leave comments below for others too.

Sending out loads of love!