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I may never know you or perhaps I’ve always known you—in different waves rising strong and then crashing into invisible sand.
Or like waking up from a dream and wondering, “Was this ever real?”
Love is elusive, constantly changing shape and form.
If my fierce fingers wrap too tight around your neck, the blood of you stops circulating.
Leaving old “carcass memories” of who we were before love squeezed us to death.
I want to love you with a freedom that makes you want to dance all night long, with or without me, because I know how much you love to dance.
I want to love you like a razor through the promise of fairy-tale endings.
Far from saviors, superheros, or Sleeping Beauty fantasies.
I want to love you because you are real.
Flesh covering bones, “perfectly imperfect,” with choices, insecurities, and fears.
I want to love you because you stare into my eyes, even when I shift in my seat with awkward vulnerability.
I want to love you because you make me laugh out loud, contorted into an unselfconscious puddle of hilarity.
I want to love you because you look at me like I may be magic, while I pretend I don’t care—but you know I really do.
I want to love you because you fear my independence and therefore respect it.
I want to love you because we both throw our favorite clothes together into a, “Look Mom, I just dressed myself,” kind of style.
I want to love you because you put my hands on your belly, say it’s fat, and call that intimacy.
I want to love you because you are my opposite and my equal—a contradiction that sometimes requires translation, and yet feels like my next inhale.
I want to love you because you thought it would be worth the wait.
I want to love you because in the heat of misunderstanding our banter game stays strong.
I want to love you because we tried hard not to fall, but couldn’t fight the gravitational orbit.
I want to love you because you always try to understand—even when you have no clue what I’m saying, you keep asking questions.
I want to love you because even though you’re rough around the edges, your soul is kind and therefore trustworthy.
I want to love you because you are stubborn, just like me, but communication trumps our need to be right.
I want to love you because you are my best friend first.
I want to love you because you are unafraid to tell me no, even when I throw a teenage tantrum.
I want to love you because we always play well together.
I want to love you because my eyes light up when I see you, even if they are tired or sad.
I want to love you because you stand up to me with honorable reverence, a beautiful blend of boundaries and courage.
I want to love you because we are all wrong and maybe that’s why we are all right.
I want to love you because you make the world feel safer, even though we both know, “I wish a mother fu*ker would.”
I want to love you because in the midst of my own confusion, my heart still asks, “Are you okay?”
I want to love you because it’s hard to explain, and maybe we never have to define our love.
I want to love you outside the box of “this is what love should look like.”
Maybe love is a unique piece of shifting art, created by humans coming together and falling apart—with all of their neurosis, scars, fears, shames, hopes, and dreams.
Blending colors, weaving stories, and constantly pulling out threads that get stuck.
A helix, moving out into the world, to always cross again in the middle.
Trusting our bone rhythms whispering,“nothing is forever.”
And so we love deeper, more real and honest, because we know this story of love could end at any moment.
I want to love you, because I think it will always be worth the risk of getting my heart broken.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi