This eating disorder,
I call it “the void,”
It sheltered me from boys,
And their violence,
But it comes with a heavy price,
My health and my weight have suffered
From the eternal war
Between my mind and my body.
Dysmorphic displays
Have emblazoned a canopy
Of distortion
And an accurate picture
I can no longer see.
So the only way I cannot fail
Is to get rid of the scale
And the diet dance,
I’m now taking a chance
With eating when I’m hungry
And trusting I’ll know when to stop,
My belly might still flop,
But at least my soul is not so empty,
Placing the blame where it belongs,
Instead of taking the shame for my abuser’s wrongs
It’s their toxic trauma
That’s given me this karma all along,
And it’s a bitch,
But I intend to switch
To a sensible plan
To love the pain away,
Not with a man,
But by rewriting my fate,
One plate
At a time.
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