May 31, 2019

Attraction 101: Why the Cliché of Following your Heart Isn’t the Answer.


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Why is it that our curious hearts want to go on adventures with some people, and not with others?

Attraction seems to find us at its own whim, sometimes completely out of the blue. We are just going about our day-to-day lives, when suddenly we are drawn toward a certain person, seemingly magnetically.

I am not talking about physical-level aesthetic attraction. I am referring to soul-level attraction that speaks the language of energy exchange instead of words. I am speaking of flowing, unspoken communication between the eyes of one and the eyes of another, like the endless curve of an infinity symbol.

My soul has always been curious to see what was in the cup being offered to me in the form of attraction, and I have embraced the phrase “Follow your heart” too literally at times.

As an empath and easy connector, my heart is wide open for those who would take care of it—and those who would dishonour it. I have been through the enduring process of learning love and respect for myself, developing healthy boundaries, and cutting loose the people who would and did take me for granted.

I am pretty damn whole as it is, but my heart still continues to connect as easily as a spider weaves its web of ethereal thread. It’s just in my nature to be that way. However, I have learnt that while attraction is never a choice, acting upon it is.

So, should we trust the heart connection implicitly? Or should we use our logic, gut feeling, experience, and moral compass (as well as what our heart is telling us) to make a choice?

Attraction always brings a gift of knowing, even if it is not acted upon.

If the attraction you have toward another person isn’t straightforward, I invite you to reflect upon it in the following way:

Does this attraction feel like it is bringing me to a lesson that I keep repeating again and again?

We are human, after all, and as such, we are imperfect. Sometimes the attraction to a person is an attraction to an energy pattern we have yet to break. The universe will continue to bring us people and situations that teach us a certain lesson for as long as it remains unlearnt.

For example: if our lesson is to set healthy boundaries for what is acceptable for us, we may keep attracting people who require us to over-compromise our needs for theirs. When we do the inner work and break the patterns within ourselves, we are no longer attracted to this type of energy within another person.

Whether we dive into yet another relationship with the same results is completely our choice, but whatever our decision, we can start to realize the underlying reason for that attraction.

Does this attraction feel like a test?

Again, the universe in its mysterious wisdom will bring people into our life’s path who may be there to fulfill the role of testing us. We may be attracted to someone who is not on the same life path as us and we have just met at a crossover point on our journeys. This person might not be available to us, and we might not be available to them for various reasons. Do we still act to pursue the attraction, knowing that the result may well be emotional pain? Consider that it may be a test of our inner strength or to see if we have really nailed the lessons that we have been presented with so far.

There is no failing in life, only learning. Each choice will bring us a different result.

Does this attraction bring us realisation or confirmation of something?

Being strongly attracted to a person who is not our usual “type” can bring us confirmation that we have indeed pushed past previous boundaries and conditioning. It can act as a signpost of how we are doing on our life lessons, kind of like “checking in” with ourselves.

What does this attraction make us realise about ourselves and our connections with others? Could it highlight that a relationship we are in with someone else is lacking somewhere, and either lead us to strengthen and readdress the balance within that relationship or use this attraction as a catalyst to release that relationship if it has run its course?

Is this attraction helping to enhance our soul growth?

A shot of new life where heart connection is involved brings fresh energy to flush out the things that are no longer serving us, perhaps helping us to release people and circumstances that we have held onto for too long.

It may be that the attraction is meant to be entwined together with every piece of our being, or it may be the time to give that person a metaphorical kiss goodbye, honour the heart connection and the gifts of knowing that it brought to us, and walk away.

Only by assessing all the pieces of the puzzle can we make the right choices for ourselves.

Acknowledging attraction is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It is allowing a space in our hearts to be occupied, even if nothing tangible comes of it.

Be the wise voyager of the feelings that surround attraction, and honour this piece of heart that we have lent to it.

author: Gemma Malak

Image: Vinicius Costa/Pexels

Image: Elephant Journal on Instagram

Editor: Kelsey Michal

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frd.wood.ctafts Jun 8, 2019 4:40am

This article has actually reinforced my own thoughts about my feelings and i feel more relaxed knowing it is ok to be attracted to others outside of my long term relationship. What we do with that is obviously another thing. !. Great article. X

fizzypoffins Jun 4, 2019 8:41am

My Dad always used to say never let your heart lead your head , only when both work together you can make the right decisions in life . Thanks Gem enjoyed your article again xx

Gemma Malak Jun 2, 2019 1:49pm

Thank you 🙂

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Gemma Malak

Gemma Malak has been put on this earth to create a magical life and touch as many people as she can with her healing hands and words of experience. Gemma works as a tattoo artist, and is also a reiki master, writer, and designer of oracle and tarot cards. She is a mother to two beautiful souls and has a keen interest in natural health, healing, and nutrition. You can follow Gemma on her website or on her Facebook or Instagram pages.