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May 7, 2019

Calm As In Comfort Zone.

Living in Growth and Discomfort

So many of the beliefs we have come to see as enlightened have also been supportive of staying in status quo, dysfunction.  Comfort zone as in no reaction and seemingly calm, the appearance of evolved to the point of not feeling.

No reaction doesn’t equal evolved and truly not feeling anything, it can very often equate a strong ability to be stoic.  I see it all the time. I’m evolved so that means I do not react. I’m calm.

As I’ve experienced in my life and was so glad to see in Brene’ Brown’s books that living in a comfort zone does not equate truly calm or evolved.  Somewhere inside is a war going on with what is, reality. “We either stand inside our story and own it or stand outside your story and hustle for worthiness” ~ Brene’ Brown My take on her books.

Calm is really relative.  We often vice our emotions, reactions down and can appear to be so evolved that we are above reactions, triggers, feeling angry.   We are quick to spout joy and happiness (also the appearance of such) and be above anger. At least the point where we don’t appear to be angry.  We can’t be truly joyous if we can’t be angry.

Everything is paradoxical it seems and so really the biggest test for me is if I’m angry I try and delay the reaction so I can look at it.  Calm isn’t what I’m working towards. I’m working to fight the social conditioning that superficial is the true depth and that we “act” calm to fit into the mainstream mentality of “calm”.   When inside we may be creating all sorts of physical ailments or pain and even emotional dysfunction because we haven’t really “done the work” it requires to honestly “get there”.

So when we mention that we meditate to be calm as wonderful as that is, it doesn’t change our neurotransmitters and repattern new ones in a different direction until we totally see that thought pattern in an accepting way and reprogram it.  Which means stepping out of our comfort zone and living that way. Constantly challenging the comfort zone and making different behaviors easier, more automatic and seeing the reality of what that “trigger” means.

Calm doesn’t equal evolved, serene or inner peace.  Unless it does. It isn’t an appearance, but a state of being.  We don’t have to follow along with the mentality that appearance is everything and being “non-human” is the nirvana we seek.  It will backfire on you.

What we can do is truly be human.  It’s ok to be angry, it’s human. It’s ok to argue (some ways are better than others)  It’s ok to get triggered, we all do. It’s ok to admit we didn’t act in a way that is our best self.  We aren’t perfect.

I see this with women. Women have been taught to be kind and sweet and not raise your voice, not to disagree or be adamant about something outwardly.  We have been taught to be “above human”. We all know that if a woman gets angry in court it is used as a weapon against her. After all, we don’t show hurt, deep feeling or fear in court.  We have to be emotionless. Somehow we’ve taken on the belief that if someone shows emotions in court that means they are not truly a victim. Who the hell came up with that one, I don’t know.

Men (though also taught to be stoic) are a bit more entitled to anger- socially speaking.  Though even with that, they have to really rope it in. I mean they should also be above emotions, especially tears.

It’s just crazy how we have turned something useful and helpful into something dysfunctional designed to continue on with not truly growing and certainly not living in discomfort- as in out of our comfort zone.  We’ve instead learned to avoid discomfort by vicing it down with alcohol, prescriptions, weed, porn, videos or food.

Our ego’s job is to really stay in that comfort zone and for many that even feels like death when we step out.  That is because stepping out of that comfort zone means ending our story. The one we cling to with all our minds.  Our projection.

Living in a space of personal growth means going through discomfort. It just does.  We are either in comfort zone or moving out of it. Certainly, for me, growth is worth the discomfort because of the freedom and joy I experience.  I have to breathe my way through the growing pains. Facing our fears isn’t always fun. It can be very challenging and painful. The adventure of it all and the enormous amount of high I get when I make it through keeps me going.  My idea of calm is that of inner knowledge, inner strength and a foundation of trust I develop with myself to be able to handle anything. My deepening into authenticity and love. Wholehearted living.

Photo by [Boxed Water Is Better on Unsplash]

 

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