6.5
May 31, 2019

I want to know Who You Are in the Darkness—when the World Falls Away.

 

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I want to know what remains…

When you’ve finished your last bottle of Jack Daniel’s and are lying on the floor, surrounded by empties and cigarette butts.

When you wake up to an empty bed or are running out the door after a drunken one-night stand with someone you barely know.

When you’ve bolted from your home after an argument with your loved one and are driving aimlessly through the night.

When you’re alone at night in your bed after mindlessly scrolling through social media, taking in everyone else’s lives.

When you arrive home after a night of partying with friends and are alone in an empty room with a bed to yourself.

When you’ve just finished wolfing down a bag of chips, an entire pizza, or a tub of ice cream and are surrounded by crumbs and wrappers.

When you’ve used up all your energy for the day doing everything for everyone else and taking care of their needs and can barely find the strength to make yourself a meal.

When you’ve chugged your third cup of coffee (or tea, or latte, or energy drink) for the day and are running around checking off everything on your list.

When you’ve stormed off after lashing out at someone you care about, ignored their messages, and shut your phone off.

When you’ve come home from the shopping centre with bags full of clothes and things spread all over your room.

When you’ve just finished watching five hours of Netflix and barely have the energy to lift yourself off from the couch.

When you’ve spent the day burying yourself in your job and business for all hours of the day, hustling your way through.

When you’ve gone through the days, weeks, months, or years bottling everything up inside of you, remaining silent and hidden, not breathing a word of your thoughts or feelings to anyone, while it eats away at you slowly and your body begins to show signs of trouble.

When you’ve spent an entire day in bed still in the clothes you wore the day before, with the sheets over your head laying in a dark room.

I want to know what remains after, within you, of you. When the alcohol, food, sex, drugs, TV, social media, clothes, caffeine, and people wear off, what is it that remains? When the distractions are no longer, and you are forced to sit with your own mind, what thoughts percolate inside? When you can no longer avoid what’s on your heart, which feelings are resting there. And, when it all gets quiet at night and stillness finds you, what is it that keeps you up at night?

And more importantly, above all else, I want to know: What will you choose to do with what you find remaining?

My hope is that you choose to be honest with yourself and acknowledge the truth.

My hope is that you come to know and honour that you matter and that there is a better way to show up, a better way to live.

My hope is that you remove the layers and the masks, so the world can see and feel the real you behind the pain, beneath the facade.

My hope is that you begin to see yourself through the eyes of others and let go of the stories you’ve been telling yourself.

My hope is that you choose the path of resistance that you’ve avoided for so long, that you lean into it little by little, that you make choices from a place of love and not fear, and that you choose you, so that you can finally feel the freedom you’ve been seeking and longing for—the freedom you deserve.

Until then, carry on.

Laurita Gorman

author: Laurita Gorman

Image: Zach Guinta/Unsplash

Image: @elephantjournal on Instagram

Editor: Kelsey Michal

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