I have come to drag you out of yourself

And take you in my heart

I have come to bring out the beauty

You never knew you had

And lift you like a prayer to the sky

If no one can recognize you, I do

Because you are my life and soul

Don’t run away, accept your wounds and

Let bravery be your shield

It takes a thousand stages

For the perfect being to evolve

Every step of the way I will walk with you

And never leave you stranded

• Rumi

For too many women menopause can be a time of isolation. It can be that friends and family members do not always understand what you’re going through or give you the support you need. Conversations I have with menopausal women often revolve around how they are losing interest in being social and all they wanted to do was hide away at home. Some of this comes from feeling less attractive, feeling ashamed about physical changes or the fear of a hot flash breaking out leaving them feeling self-conscious or just the fact they’re so goddamn exhausted that going out is not on their wish list

Anxiety attacks and fluctuating moods also play a role in why women start inventing excuses to socialize. These two stories shared with me are typical of the way menopause has changed their way of interacting with the world.

“I used to love hanging out and shopping. Because of the anxiety and how the symptoms make me feel there are times when I haven’t been out socially for months. My girlfriends keep trying to get me to hang out, but I don’t want to anymore, or at least right now I don’t. I only come home now and stay in unless I have to go out. I try to get out when I’m having a good day. Other than that, I’m usually in.”

“I want to be home where I feel safe. I too am scared of fainting or having a severe anxiety attack and people looking at me crazy. I did that before. Now I go out where I have to go and get home as soon as I can. It sounds crazy when I say it, but it’s how I feel. I wish I didn’t feel this way either.”

If like me you’ve always been an extrovert, you may be surprised when you suddenly feel like spending more time alone. Menopause is an introspective period and in many cultures, there is a time-honored tradition of withdrawing.

Buy why do we feel this way? According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, the author of The Female Brain,  “The mommy brain unplugs.” Menopause means a decline in the hormones that have boosted connection and driven nurturing behaviors and the inclination to avoid conflict at all costs. There are additional factors that may contribute to a lack of communication including common medications prescribed to help menopause symptoms, such as antidepressants, mood stabilizers, antihypertensives, and drugs for blood pressure.

Living in isolation, particularly during stressful life experiences, has never been recommended for your health and happiness. Going through menopause in isolation is no exception. So what can we do?

My personal experience of breaking the isolation is through ‘Mindful Connection’, which is to be open to moment-to-moment experiences of warmth and caring that we can feel with any person in everyday interactions. Something that psychologist Barbara Fredrickson calls  “shared positivity.”

Feel appreciated and make others feel it to – practising gratitude is wonderful but too often we thank the benefit not the benefactor. The difference is slight but meaningful and foster true kindness and appreciation that flows back to you.

Micro-moments with strangers – too often we give scant attention to others as go about our business. If we can smile at the guy who makes your coffee or perform small act of kindess like letting someone go in front of you in the queue. Puase and reflect on all we share: the breath, a dislike of discomfort and a longing for joy

Remember even when days feel tough as we go through the menopause we can open up to positive micro-moments. Every day we can connect with people all around us and use those moments to reduce our own sense of isolation and loneliness.