The concept of non-attachment can sometimes be considered as not loving, or not caring, but that isn’t the case.
The path of non-attachment comes from a place of being so full within oneself, that one can freely flow, like water, with the movements of life.
One can love fully and completely because they can see the impermanence, and accept it.
When it comes to love, impermanence is what we fear: we fear the loss of that person, or place, or creature; we fear the loss of the ever fleeting moments in time; we fear being alone and abandoned.
When we learn to be full within ourselves, we know we are never alone. We can meet the pats of ourselves that long for recognition and affection, and feed them—and when we know how to nurture ourselves in all aspects of life, we can offer our authentic self, without attachment to outcome.
We are able to see things for what they are, not as we choose to see them. We are able to step back, and see the larger picture at hand—the controls beyond our understanding of creation.
Life moves though us.
Life moves quickly and mysteriously, and time can escape or it can stand still—it is a reflection of our inner state. Allowing life to flow, to shift forms with lightness and freedom, takes daily practice.
I’ve broken it down into 10 keys that help me remain self-aware and practice non-attachment:
1. Accept the balance of the universe and human emotion.
Everything exists in reflection or in opposition: light and dark, up and down, heavy and light, and so on; accept this as part of life, and as the spectrum of human emotion.
All of us are subject to feelings of happiness, joy, depression, anxiety, loneliness, love, lust, anger, sadness, and excitement—learn to deal with it. Our emotional experience is our responsibility. If a situation or a person causes us to have an emotional response, it is our responsibility to resolve it for ourselves. Remember the wise Mayan phrase, “In Lak’ech Ala K’in,” which means “I am another you—we are reflections of one another.” What is the situation asking of you? And how does your best authentic self respond? Your happiness is your responsibility.
2. Become self-aware and discover inner peace.
Allow your life to be a living, breathing meditation—always.
Learn how to be responsible for your emotional landscape, and to live in conscious awareness of the moment.
Yoga is a common path to discovering inner peace, as it allows us to penetrate the barrier of the noisy physical body and mind, to discover the chaos, and to meet it with peace.
Meditation is another common path, and in this sense, I’m referring to a personal silent meditation of 10 to 60 minutes per day. Martial arts, movement, and creative expression are also effective forms of meditation.
Once we can meet ourselves, we are able to consciously transform ourselves, and uncover the authentic self that thrives in this life. I personally believe that yoga and meditation are keys to our evolution and having a mindful state of awareness. Find what truly brings you peace.
3. Love yourself fully.
Learn to be alone and enjoy it. Become your favourite person to be around, and your number one fan. Become the master of your environment, and of your experience. Realize that each moment is an opportunity to create what you desire.
Do you desire peace? Then be peace. Do you desire fun? Be fun.
Not sure what your creative passion is? Learn what really makes you happy, discover your creative self, and express it. Start expanding your internal self-worth, and release the need for external validation. Clarity comes from engagement, not thought—so get to experimenting: open your eyes and open your mind.
4. Be an active listener.
Listen to your body—it provides many triggers of awareness if we pay attention (again, this is where yoga and meditation are helpful).
Notice your breath, your temperature, your heart. Listen when you meditate—this will improve your intuition and give you better awareness of your emotions, of others’ emotions, and thereby improving your natural empathic ability.
Listen when people talk to you—pay attention to their tone, body language, and subject matter. Notice how you feel, breathe, listen. Give feedback if necessary, or ask questions to continue deepening the connection. Learn to breathe in the spaces between, and talk less.
5. Connect with Open and Honest Communication- Resolve Karma.
When in communication with another, be open and honest with yourself: notice who makes you feel good to be around, and notice who makes you feel bad to be around. Listen to your body. Be open and honest with others, and communicate with compassion, gratitude and love. Focus on the solution polarity rather than the problem, and move through any issues with conscious awareness and love. Clear away karmic residue by moving through the experience, and set yourself free.
6. Be Vulnerable.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being weak. Being vulnerable means living from a place of being your complete authentic self. This way, the people that like you, are liking you for your true self, rather than the masked self. When we live our life through a facade we build up a wall around who we really are, and eventually, that wall becomes so high that we can lose sight of ourselves. The good news, is that its just a wall, and it can be broken down, it takes some work, but the authentic self is always there. Be brave enough to accept the things that bring you pleasure in life. Be courageous enough to be you. And be vulnerable enough to share your love and creative self.
7. Love People, and Allow them to be Free, Always.
Love people, explore, and enjoy relationships, have children, do what makes you happy; and remember: what is built in the world of love, remains in the world of love; intangible. We cannot see it, we can only feel it, we cannot make it, we can only be it. We do not posses another human, ever. Love is a freeing feeling, love is support- so offer this- it is limitless when you are already full inside. Regardless of connection, we cannot control another being, and if we love them, we must love them as so. What is meant to be will be, allow your love to fly freely, and it shall come back to thee, willingly- it is a cycle.
8. Become Aware of your Life Patterns, and Cycles.
Notice the areas of your life that are going really well, notice the areas that need work, and observe their progression over time. What has changed? About you? About your environment? What do you want to shift out of? What do you what to shift into? Make notes on your personal evolution dreams- keep yourself accountable for your own happiness and evolution. Authentic integrity.
9. Remember your Dreams, Make New Ones, and Live into Them.
It is NEVER too late to dream; we are living into a dream right now: the ever repeating hologram of our lives…and we can decide to change it. We chose how we participate. If there is something you desire, do it, get it, make it, create a plan to get there, and then set it aside and just watch what happens. Live into the change you want to see. Notice how quickly the universe responds to your desires when you focus your time and energy.
10. Keep Going.
Look back, but only to offer yourself gratitude for how far you’ve come. Keep going. The past is just an amalgamation of stories; they are nice to share and, they can also hold us back if we get stuck on them, so just let them go. Accept, that your life will never be the same again, and why would you want it to be? Its going to keep getting better, and better. The more your perception of the world expands, and the more you live into your dreams, the more you will be able to experience your dream life. There are always going to be moments of doubt, or the desire to quit- this is part of accepting the natural balance of the universe- just know that in the beginning, it is always dark, the light is you, so light the way.
You are worthy of an amazing life, and you can have the life you desire. It’s about aligning our internal self-worth with our external experience, living into the authentic self, and allowing life to flow through you, like a dance of shifting form, accepting each step as part of the path that leads you home, and trusting that life knows the way.