We need young people in our world who create positive community impact from an early age. What does this mean? It means that your four-year-old son is capable of making an elderly neighbor’s day by smiling, using eye contact and asking friendly questions such as “how are you today?” Your child will do this effortlessly when you train him in empathy. He will understand that your neighbor seeks human connection and even at his young age, your son will have a positive impact on your neighbor’s day.

 

Making an impact means that your teenage daughter will help others willingly. This includes everything from the large chores, such as driving a friend home from school, to small chores, such as collecting a neighbor’s mail. Your daughter helps others because she knows that there are times when she also needs help. She has been trained in empathy and she recognizes that if feels good to give and receive help. She is a teenager that raises the bar for all teenagers. She thinks beyond her own world and shows care to others.

 

The Dalai Lama says, “if you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.” When your child is developmentally old enough to learn empathy then your child is not too small to make a difference.

 

The Dalai Lama also says that “kindness is my religion.” When we train our children in empathy they develop compassion naturally. From compassion flows kindness and from kindness flows a happier you, me and we.

 

Practicing kindness is simple and powerful. You as a parent role model kindness when you help your child carry his book bag and sports equipment out of the car.  You role model kindness when you explain to your children that your good friend is having a rough time and you are driving her to a doctor’s appointment. Our actions as parents speak louder than our words when we demonstrate kindness.

 

I have experience raising three children with positive community impact. Two are adults and one will graduate from high school this year. My husband and I have been asked how we parented our three to be kind and confident. First of all, I took parenting seriously because I was formerly a school teacher. I observed wonderful students who made my work joyful and meaningful. I decided to observe the qualities the parents of these students were cultivating. There was clearly a culture of kindness in the students I loved to teach. I am grateful to these parents who have been my role models.

 

I additionally studied Buddhism which emphasizes the importance of compassion for all beings. I read in a memorable essay that how we parent our children is the same as how we  parent ourselves as adults. I realized, when I became a mother at age twenty-five, that I wanted to be calm, non-reactive, open-minded with boundaries. I wanted to train my children in empathy so that they would in turn be compassionate and kind, which would in turn make our family culture pleasant and supportive. Essentially, I wanted to like my children.

I established eight principles for raising positive-impact kids. You can begin practicing these principles the moment you hold your baby in your arms. I promise you that these eight principles hold steadfast benefits for a lifetime. I assure you that will enjoy parenting at every stage and your children will be adored for the positive impact they have in your community. I assure you that these eight principles will help you parent yourself today.

 

Principle #1: Recognize that we are all souls in a human body. Our children have a soul that is timeless and chosen purposefully for you. They each arrive in a tiny human body to teach us as much or more as we will teach them. Souls exist in an everlasting dimension which means that you and your child, at every biological age, are living in a simultaneous experience. Your precious child was specifically chosen by and for you to teach you important life lessons.

 

Principle #2: Do no harm. Our job as a parent is to love our children. We accept our children exactly as they are and build them up to be confident, ready-to-succeed and ready-to-fail humans. Accept that they are always evolving and some days of parenting are not as pleasant as others. Hit your pause button and always use kind words. Recognize the positive before suggesting a change in the negative. The world will insult your child in enough ways so rest assured, your only job is to nurture.Your unconditional love creates the safest emotional home.

 

Principle #3: Train your child in empathy. Empathy training is the single most important quality we teach our children. It begins as soon as they are developmentally able to recognize that there are other people with feelings in our world, typically around the age of three. Ask your child “how does that make you feel?” and “how do you think he feels?” “How would you feel if she did this to you?” Remind your child know that you have feelings and that you once were young. Gasp! Teach your child to appreciate that everyone shares similar feelings ranging from happy and sad, joyful and angry, frustrated and peaceful. When our children are trained in empathy then they naturally understand compassion. Your compassionate child will organically make decisions (independent of your instructions) that are kind and caring. You will not need to set as many rules, you will simply need to ask questions about how our choice of words and actions affect others. Your child will treat you kindly as a byproduct because he will recognize that you are a person with feelings. Bonus!

 

Principle #4 Teach your child to live by the great law of kindness.  When we teach our children empathy and compassion then they become naturally kind. They are able to walk in the shoes of another and feel how it feels to be that person. Kindness always prompts right actions. Explain to your children, especially when they have difficult choices to make, that we never regret doing the right thing. We instinctively know what is right and when we choose an act of kindness we are choosing what is right and then we like ourselves. Liking ourselves is a sublime state of being that can only be created by our own self.

 

Principle #5: Help your child discover the unique gifts that brought them to this earth. We are all bestowed with unique gifts to make our world a better place. Help your child discover and share their gifts which range from math skills to soccer kicks to telling jokes to being gentle with shy dogs. Our gifts come in large and small formats; honor your child by acknowledging her gifts.

 

Principle #6: Teach your child that there is a higher power in this world who is always looking out for us.  You might call this power God, Divine, Allah or Buddha. Importantly, you too must believe that a higher power loves and cherishes each one of us. This power sees the goodness in us with unconditional love. From this love we can trust that life unfolds in divine order. Every event, even the most challenging, leads to our growth and evolution. Because we have the love of our higher power we can trust that everything will be okay. We surrender to whatever is happening with a sense of peace.

 

Principle #8:  Remind your child that we work thru and for this higher power. Our unique gifts were given to us in order to work thru and for our higher power. We channel this higher power and this higher power channels us. This means we can live without performance anxiety because our God, our Divine, or Allah or Buddha watches over us. Our outcomes, be it in the classroom or on a sporting field, do not matter as much as our effort working for and through our higher power.

 

Principle #8: Remind your child that we are surrounded by abundance in our natural world. We must spend time in nature to soothe our souls. Teach your child to admire simple astounding beauty; from the complexity of insects to the awe of sunsets to the magnificence of thunderstorms and the stunning beauty of animals. Your infant will be pacified in your arms listening to the sounds of the wind. Your two-year-old will stop to admire a butterfly. Your older child will enjoy the challenge of hiking around rocks and across streams. It is essential that your child understands that things we buy from a store provide only temporary happiness. The breeze rustling the trees is a moment of beauty that money cannot buy.

 

You will successfully raise your child to have positive community impact from an early age by following these eight parenting principles. Remember to thank yourself for raising your child, it is  the most rewarding and humbling of jobs. The days are long but the years are short.

Kem McIntosh Lee is a family photographer, yoga instructor and jewelry designer living in Atlanta, Georgia.

She can be found at http://kem-lee.com/, on Instagram at Kemlee and on Facebook at Kem McIntosh Lee