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I am writing this to you in the early morning hours of the day before my 57th birthday.
No, this is not a goodbye to you, nor is it a “pity party” note. I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, how proud I am of you, and how hard I am working on things.
I have tried over the past several years not to call or text you when I am feeling down.
You are working so hard at school to achieve your dreams. I want to do nothing to distract your focus or feelings from what is truly important.
My problems are just that: mine. They are not, nor were they ever, yours, sweetie.
I hope one day you will understand the effort it has taken me to sound good when we speak, or even text. Most times it has been easy—my great love for you outweighs the pain. But sometimes it can be difficult. Knowing that I have not thrown my stuff on you is sometimes the one, best thing that keeps me going!
I may want to hear your voice, or wish I could tell you I miss you, but I know that to call you when I’m down would only be detrimental to your day, and to you. And you are the most precious gift in my world.
Not only am I proud of you, but when I think of you, or even just look at a picture, I am proud of me too. I truly think that I raised—through my deepest feelings and insight—the most amazing child.
You are the best of me and your Dad. We are both good, and decent human beings (who sadly weren’t meant to be together), and we both love you more than anything—perhaps more than you may ever know. Always hold that close to your heart. It will keep you “safe” in sad times and in good.
My promise to you, my daughter, is to never burden you with my troubles, to always celebrate your triumphs, and to be a listener, from any distance, in times of trouble. Know that you can always talk to me. I will always love you.