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June 21, 2019

Putting the Soul back into Soulmate.

“When is he showing up?”

This is a common question I get from my single girlfriends, and my answer is always, “When are you?”

I had dated a lot in my youth. I had gone from relationship to relationship not wanting to be alone, but in those relationships, I had never felt so alone.

I had a great conversation feeding my mind. I had the passion and lust igniting my body. But something inside me was never satiated.

I didn’t realize…but it was me, my soul.

So I went on a version of an “Eat, Pray, Love” journey.  I spent time with Buddhist monks, Shamans, Healers, and Taoist priests.  I drank tea with hermits who had no material possessions and were spending their entire lives building caves where they would ultimately be laid to rest.

I meditated for hours a day and gave up going out, having sex, and drinking coffee or alcohol for 100 days. It was the work I needed to do to understand why I was attracting the men I did into my life.

Now just to be clear, most of the men were good men, but I was not good for them. I kept picking them for a variety of reasons, but mostly, because I thought I was too picky.

The reality is, your spirit is under all of those layers of life lessons, traumas, fears, anxiety, and callous disappointments of years past.

So how was I ever expecting I could give my soul its mate, when I didn’t want to go that deep?

I did the work and figured out what I wanted. I listened to my intuition, and I wrote down my five priorities I could not live without. I called it my soulmate grocery list if you will. Those five priorities became my non-negotiable items. Ones that would always sustain me:

  1. Funny
  2. Successful
  3. Wants Children
  4. Great Sex
  5. Must Love Dogs

I don’t know if you are like me, but when I met someone and the man had four out of five of the items, I would say to myself, “Who am I to be this picky?” He is nice. Why am I so special that I need these five things. Many women settle for much less.”

Herein lies the problem. From the very beginning, this person is telling you… no, he is showing you who he is. And you are making the choice to accept only four-fifths of him. You cannot pretend later you did not know he was missing this one item. And also be surprised when it bothers you like “nails on a chalkboard.” It will. I promise.

Once you value yourself, by figuring out what you want, then you will keep that checklist close at hand and never settle for less than your five out of five.

But you can only figure it out when you are alone with your fears, not running away from them. Heal those wounds and understand what your spirit needs. You will see, you went through all of the pain in order to be ready for someone who fits your puzzle perfectly.

Once my soul was reconnected and grounded, I was able to intuitively know who was right for me when he showed up. I let go of the past, braced myself for the future and Jonathan called me—two months after my 100 days were up.  There is no question we are soulmates.

Settling for less is not only disrespectful to your partner, because he/she should be with someone else, but it is disrespectful to your soul. Your soul knows what it wants when you get rid of the noise. You cannot ignore it, it will bite you in the ass every time when you go against it.

When it comes to relationships, you can always feed the body (lust) and the mind (intellect). Your soul is what needs nourishing. Feed that soul with the right nutrients. Make your soulmate grocery list—the Top five qualities you cannot live without.

Check in with your spirit. Check your ego out of the consultation and focus on what matters most.

And as far as your soulmate is concerned, he will show up—when you do.


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Stephanie Arnold  |  Contribution: 480