Scars Only Fade

We are shaped by our experiences, not defined.

From the other room I hear my five-year old’s voice, “Mommy you still have your neck thing? When is it going to go away?” In that moment, I found opportunity. An opportunity to share with her as well as my other two daughters that scars don’t go away, they only fade over time. Just like the physical attribute of a scar, it may shape us but it does not define our life. Lessons learned through loss, pain and trauma that we experience don’t go away. They make us who we are today. For a couple months after my surgery I had a hard time around my three children showing my scar. Mostly because children have no filter and often just say what’s on their mind…so I was able to in the colder months covered up with a scarf or shirt or jacket. I soon realized that I had an amazing opportunity to share with them how we need to accept and embrace every bit of ourselves even if it is see it as an insecurity or weakness. What I realized was because of my scar, I am strong.

My scar means that I don’t longer have chronic debilitating neck and shoulder pain that had only worsened over time. Enduring the pain for over a year, I learned to block it and keep moving. It was when I stopped moving that I would begin to suffer. I was caring for and driving 3 children from place to place as well as teaching a minimum of five children’s yoga classes a week. And if anyone has ever taught a children’s yoga knows, it takes A LOT of energy and you have to give a lot of energy. But, my passion to share yoga and the importance of mindfulness with children far surpassed my physical condition, so I did what I was meant to do and taught.

Two months leading up to my surgery, that took place December 28, 2018, I had ended up with nerve pain and loss of feeling and control of my right hand. I then realized the importance of this surgery and after exhausting all other (alternative) options, it was time. Whenever I mention the surgery I had, I tend to get a shocked response of how serious surgery it is. Although I am sure there are much more serious surgeries than can be done, for me I had to make light of it to be able to go through with it and I am glad I did. My surgeon went in from the front of my neck and was able to repair what was no longer serving me. I had two disc replaced at two levels in my cervical spine. In medical terminology, this is known as C5-6 and C6-7 discectomy with total disc arthroscopy.

I am proud of having the courage to go through with this procedure and allowing myself to walk on a path that leads me to regaining the quality of life I deserve. Self-care is everything and sometimes we are knocked down and almost taken out to realize just that. Take time to reflect inward when you need to, you will be so surprised what you find. One of the major things that stuck with me after my surgery was during a conversation with my husband. I was doing too much post-surgery, which for all who know me was not shocking. I couldn’t yet leave the house but yet my Apple watch stated I was walking an average of 5 miles a day…in my house! With that said, I was doing too much. I shared with Mike and told him I have such a hard time just being lazy. To which he responded with something so simple yet so profound in that moment, “Felicia, it’s not being lazy, it’s called recovery and that what you need to be doing.” Such an eye-opener this was. Think about the times in your life where you feel you are being lazy for wanting to relax and take a moment, insert…SELF-CARE and without self-care we are unable to care for anyone or anything else effectively.

So, take any and every moment you can to savor it as your own. Allow your scars to be exposed, they made you who you are today. The authentically strong unique individual that you were put on this earth to be is stronger than you think! And with each day…the scars fade.

With Light, FJ