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I didn’t even know the muscles above the eyebrows could hurt—until I cried so much that they did.
I had hit what I refer to as “the wall.”
The wall is that place that we reach when it all gets to be too much, when we have not given ourselves the time-out we needed from stressful situations.
We hit the wall when our brain’s warning signals of going into overdrive have been ignored one too many times—and it just crashes.
This is what happens when our bodies and minds are tired (sometimes many years worth of tiredness). We are internally screaming for respite and not getting it, and then we cannot make sense of our situation anymore. Our internal computer refuses to obey the command of the override button because it knows it needs to reboot.
Sometimes, the wall is unavoidable. Other times, we can swerve it if we pay due care and attention to ourselves and our needs. Either way, it is a blessing in disguise.
A short while ago, I found myself metaphorically pushed up against this wall, tasting the stale cement on my lips from all the times I’d ignored my own needs. I guess I’d had a hand in building the damned thing—not that I realised it was happening.
The truths I tell myself are that I am strong and independent. If life throws a curveball, you’d better believe that I’ll catch it and make it an even better game than the original.
But my truth on this day was that I was in need, I was lost, I wanted someone to take the world off my shoulders and nurse my cracked heart in their hands.
I watched the stationary raindrops that had settled on the windshield of my car, and I sobbed. I stayed there for an hour, and all I could do was feel the tears streaming down my face.
I wanted to scream out that I was hurting, that I was struggling, that just for today, I couldn’t cope with the stress of my situation anymore.
But, I didn’t have the energy to scream.
Then, I did something that I rarely do. I quieted my inner independent woman who tells me I don’t need anyone. Uncharacteristically, I reached out on my social media.
This is what I wrote:
“I don’t often post stuff like this, but I am really struggling to get through today. Anything helpful or positive would be appreciated. Thanks.”
It was a basic call for help, and in that moment, I realised how strong it was to ask for assistance, and how good it feels to receive it.
Messages of love came pouring in, even from those I rarely connect with. They took a moment to express pure loving-kindness for a person in distress. As I relive the compassion that was sent my way, my eyes well up with tears, only this time they are tears of gratitude instead of sorrow.
Hitting the wall helped me to realise that we are never truly alone; we are all connected through threads of caring that interweave throughout our relationships, whether passing or lasting.
As the cement holding up the bricks of that wall began to crumble, so did the beliefs I’d held onto for so long about myself. This experience changed the set of instructions that were deeply imbued in my psyche that tell me I have to face everything alone. That is a belief I grew up with and an illusion that I still told myself.
Now, I can work on changing the truths of my mind. I do not have to face the world alone; no one does.
When we reach the point of meltdown, it is there to teach us something. We are guided toward change and awareness. The wall shows us a pattern in the brick, the weakness of its structure, and when we can take a peek at what lies beyond it, we grow in renewed strength to tear the rest of it down.
You may cry your way through each and every action you take to get past the wall. Your eyes might be sore and red each time you blink, but you can do this, Beautiful Soul.
Feel the gentle cradling of the universe softly surrounding you with care while this experience passes.
Tomorrow, you will be a different version of yourself once more, having expanded in consciousness and understanding, having stepped into awareness, having embraced a change that brings you closer to your authentic self.
You will be brighter, stronger, and you will hold out your arms wider to claim your place in the world as the divine expression of life that you are.