One moment at a time.
Life can be terrifying sometimes, starting over is some scary stuff.  You could be starting over from drugs or alcohol, or perhaps a nasty relationship that was physically or verbally abusive.  You could have young children involved.   You could be starting over in a new city, all of these examples take strength and hope which we may not have…yet.  Life doesn’t give us the ‘ez pass,’ it’s tough out there, starting over with no $ or no skills, and no friends or family in a new city? I feel your pain, I feel your tears.  I started over with next to nothing, if you can count the pending legal charges or the insanity of wanting to escape my reality then maybe I did have something lol I thought my chances at life were hopeless, at least that’s what my mind was telling me every minute of the day.  It told me to ‘give up,’ it told me to ‘come back,’ it told me the ‘drugs’ would help me escape.  And I thought about it..constantly.  Then a strange voice inside told me the unfiltered truth, it said I am where I am because I chose the easy way, it told me I am where I am because the drugs put me there.  I learned a lot about myself that day, I’m not as weak as my addiction tried to make me believe.  I was trained to be a warrior by the military, I was trained to take command and lead the way to accomplish my goals and missions.  How is beating addiction any different? Because it’s the ultimate mind game, we battle with our thoughts on a consistent daily and nightly basis.  It’s a game of checks and balances, if I go to this meeting then I’ll be ok for this hour or that hour, if I do this activity with these people then I’ll be ok for that time, if I work Monday thru Friday from 9 to 5 then I’ll be ok for those hours.  It’s about planning your days out, especially in early recovery.  If we manage to survive the first 90 days then we gain the momentum to beat the next 90 days!! It’s about finding what motivates you to do better.  A better life?  Use it!! Get ur children back?  Use it!! To not go to prison? Use it!! The more positive things we add to our bag the better.  I will let you in on one of the things that motivated me early, when my mind finally sobered up, I looked at my past with clear eyes and got angry, angry at myself, angry at my addiction and I used that anger as fuel in my early recovery. I used it to get me up everyday before the sun, I used it to go walk the miles to catch the early buses needed to make it downtown every day.  I burned those thoughts into my memory so i knew the hardship that I had self inflicted on my life because of the drugs.  I didn’t come from wealthy parents, I couldn’t afford a fancy lawyer (like some of those ‘professional’ Recovery ‘artists’).  I had to earn my way, and I did, each day, each minute.  All because I saw what my addiction was doing to me and my life.  That’s real.  If your serious about getting control over your life then walk the walk, don’t talk about it, be about it!!  Watch who you follow and watch who you lead.  You better believe somebody is gaining strength by watching ‘you’ and be careful who ‘you’ watch because not everybody that says they are doing the right thing is actually doing the right thing,  Capische?