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We stay because we fear what’s on the other side of the relationship.
Figuring it all out again.
Having to find the strength to start anew.
It’s easier to deal with this, with their behaviour.
“I can handle it.”
“It isn’t so bad.”
And yet you aren’t getting what you want or desperately need in the relationship.
The shame (is this really my life now)?
The fear (I can’t do this alone).
The hatred (why aren’t I strong enough to leave)?
It’s a constant push-pull feeling of knowing better for yourself and being caught in the tug-of-war of morsels of love and feel good feels…
“See, it’s working now, she/he loves me.”
Only to collapse onto the floor in exhaustion after the next scalding words and emotional blackmail.
Toxic relationships feed our inner child with the hope of love…
You’ll never be enough in a toxic relationship.
You’ll never feel wholesome in a toxic relationship.
You’ll never get worshipped in a toxic relationship.
I’ve been there.
I’ve heard my own internal battle telling me WTF was I doing and why didn’t I leave, screaming at the other part of me that was clinging onto the false hope of the romantic relationship.
Here’s my advice if you are here right now:
Hug your inner child so deep. Tell her that you love her no matter what. That she can have all the love she wants. That love is a renewable resource.
Tune into how you want to feel in your relationship.
Keep tuning back into how you want to feel.
Recognise this isn’t how you are feeling now.
Make a choice.
Extricate yourself from your false ideas.
Call in every one of your support pillars you have. Barricade yourself inside a soft feathered cocoon of feel-good feels where only those who truly care about you have entry rights.
Cry, be angry, bash pillows, scream underwater.
Taste the salt on your skin. Listen to that slow sorrowful tune whilst laying in a bathtub of rose petals.
Care for yourself.
Feel loved, safe, free, and worshipped.
You got this.