A little unknown fact for most is that 13th November is World Kindness Day. It passes with little impact. A shame when kindness is the missing glue in so many areas of life around the world.

Kindness can be a bit of a sensitive topic. Everyone believes they are kind, and you know what everyone is…just how much is what is up for debate…but I am not debating that here. Well, not much!

It’s not totally true that kindness has disappeared from the world however it has become a commodity. It has a price and is conditional. The price is often sacrifice, which means the kindness that could be, isn’t.

The conditions of kindness have become focused on, do I like you? Do our opinions agree…if they don’t then it seems kindness isn’t even close to the table!

Kindness in becoming a commodity, has become something people assess – do they deserve it or not…and in either case then there is a cost to kindness, be it sacrifice or the desire for recognition and to be put on a pedestal and told ‘Oh aren’t you kind, aren’t you amazing and aren’t you wonderful…’ The energy of kindness and its purpose is all a bit distorted.

Kindness doesn’t require you to share the same political opinions. It doesn’t even require you to pray to the same deity, or like the same food, or anything. Kindness is JUST kindness. It doesn’t require grand gestures, accolade and awards; kindness is just allowing yourself to be human.

Kindness isn’t sympathy, not at all, in fact kindness can be tough; tough to be kind. It isn’t all let me do for you. That isn’t kindness when you take over.  Kindness is empowering and service at its highest of frequencies.

The true nature of kindness is based on the premise that everyone has a place in the world everyone belongs and All Is Well. Kindness is the opposite of judgment. I may not like what you do or have done but why would if the opportunity arose, choose to be unkind? Though kindness wouldn’t make a doormat of anyone…as then you are back in the throes of sacrifice and martyrdom.

Kindness isn’t a cult, nor does it ask you to give up your life to prove you are some kindness super hero.

It isn’t about inflating the ego; it is an act of love; to be kind.

One of the most significant points about kindness that gets overlooked, even on world kindness day, is kindness to self.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once described kindness as ‘the golden chain by which society is bound’

I agree, it could be.

Though if it’s to be, it begins with you and how kind you are to you.

On World Kindness Day which is every 13th of November (really it is every and any day if you allow it to be) you may read about the ‘random acts of kindness’ to strangers which is fantastic and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

If it is random, it isn’t about recognition, so waiting to be acknowledged makes it about you and not the kindness…ouch. Jus’ saying. Though don’t worry as plenty of studies (British Psychological Association) show you get rewarded by the random acts of kindness – anxiety reduces; giving time creates more time; (it’s the universes paradox!), in fact it is even said to be good for the heart, lowering blood pressure in a way comparable to exercise.

When you are kind to others, without them knowing it was you, your brain can’t tell if you received the kindness so it releases the brain stuff to make you feel calm, squishy, loved, supported and stress free.

Random acts of kindness are good for you as your body returns the goodness back to you, randomly. It’s a perfect win/win.  BUT if you have forgotten you, forgotten you deserve your own kindness, it isn’t long before random kindness will feel like a bit of an ol’ chore. Before they become an obligation and a must do and then you’re back to sacrifice and martyrdom. It won’t be long before you start to weigh up the cost of kindness and it stops being kindness. In forgetting conscious kindness to you, your kindness out in the world is devoid of the very thing you desire to give.

In order for you to be randomly kind to you, it will require you suspend way too much belief, so let’s not try to surprise yourself, from yourself. Instead, here are eight ways you can be kinder to you.

1. Any time you see your reflection, be it a shop window or a car – SMILE at you.
2. There’s probably a long list of things you want to do one day…well I want you to take one of those bucket list things, however big or small and write yourself an encouraging letter of why it is possible and why you will love it, excel, be brilliant, amazing, etc. Then put that letter in an envelope and post it to you.
3. Remember, I said kindness can be tough too, well for this suggestion, I want you to say NO to someone who you may adore, but just your YES always means you don’t get the time you want for you. It’s a light boundary, not some earth shattering change, save that for another day, for now, just learn to say NO which leads you to the magic of saying YES to you.
4. Write a list in your notebook or journal of 11 things that totally juice you. Activities and people that fill you with a huge bounce in your step. Then looking at your list, choose 3 that you haven’t done for ages and yonks, and get busy and make them happen.
5. Take yourself and only yourself on your ideal date. Plan it with such excitement, maybe it’s a night away or a meal at a scrumptious restaurant. Whatever it is, don’t want for the occasion, do it just because.
6. Before you go to bed, leave yourself a complimentary note that you will find when you wake up, maybe on the bathroom mirror.
7. The next time someone is mean with words or actions and you feel that agitation, hurt and indignation, walk away and remember it isn’t about you. Taking everything personally is a heavy burden and not kind.
8. Keep up the random acts of kindness to strangers.

Kindness is magic and kindness to self is how to make kindness proper cool and proper a thing.

A final word before I hand the reins to you: remember kindness is also knowing when to never say a word and never thinking a bad thought and being able to let go and move on. Kindness is a way of being, not just an action and something to do.

Now is that time you get have your word. Share your self kindness actions. Share your musing on kindness in the comments and share this post. Spread that kindness everywhere.

Sarupa Shah