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November 26, 2019

The one who should’ve given up on me


Of all the people that have given up on me- you were the most worthy to be in that crowd

Of all the people to tell me I “wouldn’t amount to nothing” and who lost hope for me – you could’ve been top on this list

Of all the people to hold things against me- you are the most worthy to do so

Of all the people to not forgive me – you have the most & toughest hardships to forgive stemming from me

Of all people to not pick up when I drunkingly called – you could’ve been the one to send me to voicemail each and every time

Of all the people to still see/view me as all of the things I have done or have been through- you hold the most experienced sad and awful memories

Of all the people to choose to love me – it could’ve been the hardest to do from you

Of all the mean, hurtful, and anger evoked things I’ve said on all levels- many of them were thrown your way

I put you through a lot of grief stricken pain.
A lot of scary days, nights, months & years where nothing seemed to crack me back into happiness or healthyness

A pain, now that I am a momma, I cannot fathom

The other day … a dear friend said “you know what your mom told me?” “She told me you could not be alive today…”

You are so right.
I know many nights I cost you sleep & that you were worried I wouldn’t make it out of my life … alive.

Thank you mom, for not giving up on me ever& for choosing love for me even when I was so very unworthy of it.

Of all people – it is so beautiful that you still love me today because of all people loving me was the hardest.

There are no words to tell you how much I deeply cherish you.

& now how beautiful is it to not worry & know that because of you … I’m living the life you knew I always could.

The only sleepless nights now are the ones where we talk on the phone & know we have to grind the next morning doing jobs that allow us to use our gifts, from our journey, to serve others.

Thank you.

Sending love,
The Soul Grind

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