Not all of us have hallmark moments surrounding the holiday season.

This time of year can create overwhelming situations that bring out our inner child, kicking and screaming about what it should look like, who needs to be there, and what needs to happen to make the holidays perfect, creating a “holidaze” that just isn’t the same.

It’s really easy to fall into the traps set up for us during the holidays—there are so many sales, so many lists, so many beds to make, flights to book, food to buy and prepare—it can all just get to be a little too much for our plates!

When I fall into the holidaze, I need to step back, look at my priorities with a fresh perspective, and decide what’s really important to me.

So, let’s get clear on what you really want. As a life coach, this is one of my favorite questions to ask: what do you really want? The response I get 90 percent of the time in the beginning is a simple, “I don’t know!”

So how do we get out of the daze into the presence of the day? By understanding what our soul really needs and wants.

Here are five tips to get you grounded and finding your happy:

1. Ask yourself this: what do I really want? How do I want to feel through this holiday season? What can I release in my expectations that will allow joy and peace to be present? Once you identify it, get rid of all the rest.

2. Simplify. If you’re overwhelmed with present buying, have everyone pick their favorite charity or one gift for themselves, and do that. Quality over quantity is the key to a more fulfilling and less wasteful (and expensive) holiday!

3. Are you letting obligations run your schedule? Pick three parties and set boundaries around your time. Making sure you have plenty of time for a bubble bath, a candle, and a good book, or even just a Christmas movie with your family.

4. If you’re dealing with extended family drama, step back and disengage. Be gentle with yourself and others and realize that everyone is perfectly imperfect. It’s our expectations of them that got us into the sticky pudding. At the end of the day, it’s your choice what you give your energy to.

5. If you know someone who is alone, just reach out. Send a basket of cookies, a card, a text—anything to show someone you’re thinking of them. Share the love of the season!

On a final note—directly from my heart to yours—I will share that in previous years I have filled the season with abundance (I mean, Martha Stewart had nothing on me). My decor, food, and presents were all on point and it left me depleted and depressed.

Why you ask?

I overspent and often felt wounded when I didn’t receive the gratitude or appreciation I thought I should receive.

I had expectations attached to the holidays!

Fast-forward: I wanted a different relationship with the holidaze that I had set up, but I still have to check myself into not going into overdrive.

I love the holiday season; however, now what I love about it most is sharing the love and abundance of gratitude that I have for the imperfections of it all. Last year, the oven even went out while I was roasting a 20-pound prime rib—we all laughed and decided to cook it on the barbecue!

We will still be laughing about that years from now.

That really sums it up, eh?

I hope these holiday tips give you some inspiration to make the season stress-free, meaningful, and bright!

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