“It’s ok to feel scared about doing something, but it’s not ok to withhold information that could help other people” – Mary Morrissey
A couple of months ago I was molested on a healing table by a massage therapist that was referred to me by a good friend.
It brought up my childhood sexual trauma and family issues that hadn’t been fully healed.
I felt confused, scared and didn’t know quite what to do or how to share with my friend.
So I did the absolute wrong thing.
Instead of having a conversation, I texted her, shared how I felt and projected my trauma.
From there I did not find validation and love. Instead I felt gaslighted by people I trusted in my community saying that this was my issue and that this was a draping and consent issue.
And bam, I went into a pattern where felt like I had been the cause of pain in people’s lives.
It’s taken me a few months to fully process and come into a place of forgiveness, compassion and love.
My friend and I never actually spoke in person about any of this despite my reaching out to talk it out. A part of me wanted to feel validated but instead I felt abandoned by someone I was close to.
I had to ultimately go to the one thing I knew I could do.
Rely on Spirit to help guide me.
I wept, I retreated, I meditated for a minimum of an hour a day, I let the anger and pain move through me.
I confronted the therapist and he took responsibility and refunded my money.
After a while I made the decision to report him to the CA Massage Therapy council which was not taken well by some people.
I was told I was playing God and what right did I have to ruin someone’s life?
The thing is, I did not report him out of malice or anger, I did it because it was the best version of love I could act on.
You see, my mentor Mary Morrissey told me its ok to be afraid about doing something, but it’s not ok to withhold information that could help other people.
And to me, it was about NOT creating more trauma in our world.
I have tools and resources to heal, in fact I have invested over $2K in healing this alone.
But my thought was, “what about the person who doesn’t have the tools or resources”?
And there I had my answer.
Even when I spoke to the investigator, I told him I am not a victim but a person who wants to make sure the masseuse and other people are safe.
I asked him to take care of the masseuse and help him because I don’t think he did it out of evil, he has unhealed trauma in his life and he is acting recklessly.
I reached out to the masseuse and told him that he had been reported and why I felt called to take action.
He took responsibility and I have come out of this stronger and in a place of Love, compassion and empathy.
Here’s what I have found:
1. We don’t get to choose what happens in life but we can choose how we respond
2. It’s not perfect and it’s ok to make mistakes
3. When contemplating a difficult decision, observe if you’re acting on fear over love and ask “what would love do?”
4. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you. Don’t drink the poison and wait for the other person to die.
5. Come into love and compassion for the other person who you felt hurt by and know that they are operating from their own level of awareness.
6. Selfcare, selfcare, selfcare. This is not a time to beat yourself up or lash out at others.
7. See this as an opportunity to lead with Love over fear.
8. The goal is to come into neutral, learn the lesson and invest your time, energy and money in getting help.
9. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
10. Realize at the end of the day, we are coming home to Love.