January 9, 2020

12 Ways Modern Dating can Suck a Little Less.

*Editor’s Note: Elephant Journal articles represent the personal views of the authors, and cannot possibly reflect Elephant Journal as a whole. Disagree with an Op-Ed or opinion? We’re happy to share your experience here.


Changes are happening really fast between genders and in dating.

I see opportunities, especially for successful, conscious women.

A lot is going to change in 2020. So, be prepared. I hope you will see the opportunities, because there’s nothing I want more than for you to have the love, life, and connection you choose (and be free from heartbreak!).

That’s why I am giving you these 12 trends and shifts. Use them, and create a life centered in love, including a soulmate and stable relationship.

Trend 1: Be real rather than perfect.

The kind of man you’re looking for—conscious, heart-centered, masculine, and successful—is as bored with photoshopped bodies and perfect answers as you are. In 2020, we will see that on dating apps the profiles and chats become more authentic, and first dates way more personal and real.

If you hate the cleavage pics and semi-sexy conversations without content, 2020 is going to be your year. We will see the impersonal “icebreakers” on dating apps disappearing and already, in the very first moment of contact, you may be real. How it begins determines how far it can go.

Trend 2: Immediate connection.

In 2020, we want to feel an instant connection. A moment of genuine exchange is the only thing that takes us out of scrolling or swiping mode.

You will benefit hugely from investing in being more intimately connected to your own feelings and developing language to express innermost feelings. It’s the difference between being ghosted and a next date in 2020.

Be gutsy, and move beyond the tendency to hold back until you know him better. Meditate and tune in, so what you have to say holds truth. You can’t carry your fear of rejection on into 2020. The top guys learned how to deal with rejection, and they expect the same from you.

Trend 3: Vulnerable is the new power.

Dating returns to the quest for love in 2020. Opening up to love is always vulnerable—and being able to be in that space of vulnerability without flipping back to controlling, running away, or faking is seen as both sexy and powerful.

Welcome quivering knees, flushed cheeks, spinning brains. Hold a space for your own vulnerability, and don’t expect him to be your savior. This sets a man free to be himself within a hot connection, and there’s nothing we want more in 2020.

Trend 4: Long-term rocks.

For those of us who’re looking for a long-term relationship and/or marriage, there will be even more men ready to meet you in 2020. As men are connecting to their feelings, they are learning to be free within the relationship and moving beyond the angst for commitment.

This asks of you to also move beyond your drama, running away, avoidance, or controlling. Tune in to your essence, become okay with all your patterns, and be present with what is. Learn to hold nothing back and say it as it is—no acting out, no hiding, no blaming.

Men and women have grown conscious enough to be able to stay out of projections and keep the energy clear within the most intimate relationship, and this is an amazing opportunity to create the conscious, long-lasting relationship you’ve dreamt of for years.

Trend 5: Pleasure, not sex.

We are bored with sex without it being personal and truly intimate. In 2020, we want sensual pleasure early on, like on the first date, and we want to delight in every step of becoming more intimate.

We’ve become super aware of how many of us are holding trauma, and we’re no longer ready to play out trauma patterns. With higher levels of awareness, a simple touch of the back of the hand can be ecstatic, and sharing those moments is super intimate and hot in 2020 (and don’t worry, the sex will come later and will be truly sacred, wild, and fulfilling).

This is a great year to get back to dating if you dropped out due to trauma. In 2020, we can all date from a place of innocence, purity, and awareness.

Trend 6: Wanting commitment and family is sexy.

The idea that wanting family and commitments would scare men away is so not 2020. The tides have flipped—and, whether it’s in business or personal life, we’re all about building long-lasting relationships.

Be at ease with your desire, learn how to say what’s on your heart in a way that it’s heard, and know that men crave a woman who knows what she wants and stands for it without controlling or manipulating.

Saying what you want while holding space for your date to stand in his truth is key and attracts the right kind of men. In 2020, we trust love and lean into the future, as we’re no longer letting our imperfections hold us back.

Trend 7: Having a dating mentor.

We’ve seen this trend start in management (business mentors), then spread to fitness (personal trainers), then to entrepreneurs (small business mentors), and in 2020 this trend is taking over dating.

As we live more through our screens, and isolation and loneliness peak like never before, we have fewer tools than ever to create a lasting relationship, while our expectations are higher than ever. We want a happy, healthy relationship with love, warmth, and connection, as well as freedom, light, and growth.

In 2020, we will see dating mentors are the new trend. “The body can do anything,” but we still need to train for a marathon. In 2020, we will realize that love comes when we’re ready, but that doesn’t exclude us from needing to invest in dating and relationships.

Trend 8: Whopping reduction of time it takes to find a soulmate (think weeks instead of years).

In 2020, no one needs to think of dating as a long, draining journey with an unsure outcome. Even for high-earning career women over 35, traditionally the category most challenged to find a partner, love, and commitment typically come fast with the combined effects of all the new 2020 trends. This was already happening for pioneers between 2017 and 2019, and we will see this becoming mainstream in 2020.

This is a radical change from existing expectations, and we will see that 2020 is the onset of big changes in the dating world and even our culture—as being single truly becomes a choice.

We will see women developing a radical new confidence in themselves and taking their impact in life and work to a next level, as they no longer carry the drain, heartbreak, and shame of struggling with dating.

Trend 9: We love the dating apps.

The ambiguous love-hate relationship with the dating apps that colored the 2000s and 2010s will come to an end as we finally understand how to make use of the magical opportunities of dating apps. Through the dating apps, women will connect quickly with men who interest and excite them, and who are available emotionally.

There are already 40 million people in United States alone on dating apps, which makes us realize that on our timeline we see not even 0.001 percent of all men on the apps. It’s not about whether the right man is on the app; it’s about whether he shows up on your timeline.

Trend 10: The first date is a life event to be remembered.

In 2020, first dates will be rare events, as women will find their partner within a few dates. First dates will be real, unique moments of authentic connection and surprise. It will be a moment that couples reminisce about years later, a doorway into a new life.

There’s no more space for judgements and jadedness, as a first date will be a moment you show up more fully than ever before, bringing everything you have and are to the table. You and your date will see the potential of each other and the relationship and get an enticing view into what is possible. Even if at the end of the date you decide not to continue, it will be a moment that’s uplifting and filled with truth and love.

Trend 11: Fluid gender roles.

Throw out the old idea that a strong, tall, broad-shouldered man is what you need in 2020. The ones who can truly meet you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially are the ones who go on to discover and express their uniqueness. The “classical” manly traits have become more a sign of fear and of attachment to old certainties than of strength. Men like Harry Styles show us a new strength rooted in love and connection as well as a wild freedom of soul.

Just like gender, dating is coming free from stereotypes in 2020. Dating in 2020 is about opening up to expressing yourself fully and welcoming the full, original expression of the other. Be ready for the unexpected on your dates. Be real, move beyond limitations, and don’t be shy to create moments of touch and breathtaking intimacy.

Trend 12: Sisterhood rocks.

In ancient cultures, dating was a collective thing, and in 2020, women are finding new ways to support each other to root into our feminine power and to open up more than ever while still keeping ourselves safe and tuned in.

Staying in a growth mindset, dealing with setbacks, aligning with your own unique truth, turning around millennia of female body shaming—it’s all part of the dating journey, and women are finding each other as sisters to support and inspire each other. Together, we raise the energy to break free from old expectations and patterns and open up to the vast new possibilities in dating 2020 offers.

A dating world full of opportunities is waiting in 2020. Even if you don’t know exactly where to begin, let go of perfectionism, embrace realness, and start taking action.

Start before you’re ready, and rock it

I’m super excited as I work with my clients to ride this wave of new trends. I can’t wait to see more women jumping on.

Now it’s your turn. Take a moment to answer this question for yourself:

Which trend speaks to you most? How will you implement it in your dating?

Write it in a comment below, and take it as a commitment to take new actions and manifest your dream of love.

2020 is a year filled with opportunities. What’s thrilling about our time is that there are opportunities all around us. What is challenging is that the window of time to take action becomes smaller and smaller.

Dream big, choose love, and start before you’re ready.

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