January 9, 2020

How Finding a Lump in my Breast drove me to Self-Love.

Self-love is the foundation of everything—it’s a constant choice.

When we choose to respect, love, and trust ourselves, we show up in the world with empathy, love, compassion, excitement, and full-throttle force!

When we choose self-love, there is no more needing to rely on compliments from others to feel worthy, no more promotions at work needed to feel seen and acknowledge, no more weight to be lost to feel like you fit in and feel beautiful. Instead, you are accepting of who you are and good enough for you, as you are. You show up for yourself and really put yourself first.

I thought I had it nailed. As a self-love coach, I have been practicing this personally and holding space for women for years. I had my strong self-love roots and I was standing in my power, but a recent experience asked me to delve even deeper into this way of being—and this is what I wanted to share with you.

I believe it’s the stories we share that bring us together.

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” ~ Brené Brown

I woke up one morning, I intuitively placed one hand on my chest and sighed. I placed my hand over my right boob. To be honest, this isn’t something I often do—examining my boobs for lumps and bumps—but something guided me there.

I explored my own body and something felt a little “off,” but I couldn’t be sure what. I wasn’t too familiar with the formations of my boobs, but I thought to myself, when I get home, I’ll check that out. We hear the importance of knowing our bodies, to be in tune with them, and I know the importance of self-examination, but what with life being busy and running my business, it was something I didn’t do.

This important self-care ritual wasn’t on my list of nonnegotiables.

When I got home, I went to the GP and was quickly referred to the hospital.

I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called. I felt scared. I used my tools; I breathed deeply, I spoke to my worry and anxiety with a calm and loving response. But I had this feeling: What if this is something, what if…

I locked eyes and shared supporting smiles with the other women in the waiting room. I then went through the examination where I was told then and there, “All looked okay.”

I came outside and sat on a wall near the hospital and this message poured out of my heart and onto my phone. A feeling of the strongest love and respect for my body, and a desire to share this with other women—a message of:

“What will it take for you to truly respect, appreciate, and love your body now?”

Dear body, no more.
I’m sorry for all the times I looked at you and said:

you are fat
you are wobbly
you are chunky
you are not good enough

For all the times I wished you were:

For all the times I cried when looking at you in disappointment

For all the years I avoided mirrors because I couldn’t bear to look at you

For all the times I would cry in the changing rooms as what I saw back in the mirror was not good enough

For all the times I starved you to punish who you are

For all the times I tensed in photos and longed for what I saw back to not fill me with dread

For all the times I made excuses for you for why you weren’t a certain dress size

For all the times I wished you weren’t mine

I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you

This marks the end of all this. I am humble. I now see you for what you truly are

a miracle
a gift
my magic carpet ride through life
my best friend
the maker of my dreams

My joy, my fun, my love

I see you so clearly now, for the f*cking fabulous gift you are

Thank you for being patient with me

I promise to honour and respect you always and forever.

I knew I had evolved even further along this practice of self-love. This experience had enabled me to release even more deep-seated disempowering beliefs about my body just by me acknowledging how incredible I was—right here, right now, as is.

I share this with you to connect on a human level, to share my experience as maybe it sparks something in you to check your boobs, or go to the GP, health provider, or speak to someone about what is going on for you at the moment—whatever it may be. Maybe it ignites a fire in you to stop being so hard on yourself and to show yourself more love and kindness. Maybe you think enough is enough and it’s time for you to go on your self-love exploration.

What will it take for you to love you now?

Do you choose to act now?

Here are some things I wanted to share with you, to support you with your self-care and self-love:

1. Check your boobs regularly as a nonnegotiable self-care ritual. Add it to other self-care practices and if you don’t have any, this is an invitation to jot down all that makes you feel nourished, cared for, and loved and bring them into your life! It’s a game-changer. Others learn how to treat us by observing how we treat ourselves. Start now. Look after you.

For more support, check out the fabulous CoppaFeel. They are an amazing platform, here to ensure all breast cancers are diagnosed early and correctly. They have so much support, head to their Instagram, their website, and any events they do. There are people here to support you, to educate you, and to cheer you on.

2. Choose to love yourself—right here, right now. Make a choice, a commitment to you. Here is where I would start:

Create time to be with yourself. Away from the busyness of modern life and the distractions of Netflix, to just be with yourself. Get used to your own company and enjoy it. Buy a journal and start to write down how you feel day to day, moment to moment. Some great journal questions are:

>> How do I feel right now?
>> What do I need right now?
>> What little actions can I take right now to help me to feel good?

3. Bring self-care into your everyday. What little rituals make you feel nourished, topped up? I encourage my clients to write a list of all of the things that bring them joy and try to bring as many into their days as they can. Just five minutes a day, if that’s all you can do.

4. Celebrate who you are, your mind, your body, your soul. Celebrate your achievements, what you learned, and feel grateful for all that is in your life right now.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you. Who lift you up and allow you to love what they see in you.

6. Reach out to people and allow people to support you. You are worth it.

7. Remember you are a gift. Just as you are—100 percent as is.

When you let go of the self-criticism and the fear around who you are as not being good enough, you set yourself free. Free to live a life you can grasp with both hands and appreciate every moment as the incredible gift that it is—the ups and the downs.

You have the power to make this shift. The time is now.

Step into the self-love arena.


If you are looking for more support, I offer 1.1 six-month self-love coaching and group coaching, as well as live events and retreats. Connect here


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