“And as I stand here, with so many eyes fixed on me, I feel raw and naked. When this feeling is present, I’m confident that the next phase of healing is on the horizon, and that allows me to share my story in full.”
– Eldra Jackson III
When I was in middle school I was teased and bullied for being fat.
You see, at the end of 5th grade, I got poison oak in my eye, and had to take a type of steroids as medicine to reduce the swelling. This caused me to gain some weight.
In 6th grade my family moved to a new city, and I had to make new friends. I was a shy and chubby kid. I remember being pushed, poked, insulted, and left out. What makes this all worse is that it wasn’t the school bullies doing this.. it was the people I thought were my friends.
I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from those days, and I still deal with issues around body dysmorphia, insecurity, and self-loathing. In college I went through a period of disordered eating, trying to suppress hunger with pills, and then bingeing on junk food at night. I’ve come a long way since then.
Over the past decade I’ve been using forms of mindfulness and loving-kindness to heal my relationship with myself and with my body. I no longer torture and criticize myself for not having a body like a pro-athlete.
I’ve learned something deeply important through all this: Until you can feel comfortable in your own skin, you will never truly feel at ease.
The only way to feel comfortable in your skin is not though perfection, but through acceptance. Learning how to love your curves, your softness, or whatever it is that feels not good enough at first glance.
Do you need help learning to love you body? Part of my teaching practice is helping people love themselves again. If you’re interested in learning more about how to cultivate self-love, just say the word “YES” below and I’ll send you a free guided meditation video to get started.
Damini Grover is an eternal explorer, foodie, dance lover, dog lover (and in love with m…